Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (e.g. "really" twice). Add one specific detail (a memory or favorite game) and use a linking word to connect ideas.

Exemplo: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my friends and I played badminton every Saturday and raced our bikes along the park path, which made weekends exciting and social.

Sugestão: Start with a direct topic sentence and replace informal slang ("doomscrawling") with a more neutral phrase. Use one linking word and a concrete frequency to sound natural and specific.

Exemplo: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me disconnect from my phone. For instance, I go running there three times a week and sometimes play badminton with friends, which helps me relieve stress and clear my mind.

Sugestão: Open with a concise direct answer. Avoid vague phrasing and wordy clauses; use specific reasons (e.g. more green space, safer play areas, accessible paths) and one linking word to connect reasons.

Exemplo: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide green space and reduce crowding. For example, additional parks would create safe play areas for children and quiet walking paths for older residents.

Sugestão: Give a clear topic sentence and add one specific detail (name or activity) with a linking word describing why you want to go. Use natural phrasing instead of "lakes are evident."

Exemplo: Yes — I would like to visit a lakeside park with mountain views because I enjoy hiking and watching sunsets. For instance, I imagine walking along the lake at dawn and taking photos of the mountains while breathing fresh air.

× When technology was not booming yet, my friend and I took advantage of going to the park as our playground, so we would go play badminton and go biking.

✓ When technology had not yet boomed, my friend and I used the park as our playground, so we would play badminton and go biking.

Original uses 'took advantage of going to the park' which is awkward and contains a verb + -ing phrasing that is unnecessary. Also 'technology was not booming yet' is better expressed with past perfect 'had not yet boomed' to indicate a prior state. Replace 'took advantage of going to' with 'used' and change 'go play' to 'play' for natural verb usage and parallel structure. Suggestion: Use simpler verb constructions and keep parallel verbs in a list (e.g., 'play badminton and go biking' -> 'play badminton and go biking' or 'play badminton and bike').

× We really had fun when we were children and we really loved to play together.

✓ We had a lot of fun when we were children and loved playing together.

The sentence repeats 'really' unnecessarily and uses an awkward structure. Replace repeated adverb with a stronger adjective phrase 'a lot of fun' and use the gerund 'playing' for smoother, more natural expression. This addresses adverb placement and use of adjectives/adverbs for clarity. Suggestion: Avoid repeating adverbs and prefer concise expressions.

× Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, they're my go to place to avoid doomscrawling.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks; they're my go-to place to avoid doomscrolling.

Missing hyphen in compound adjective 'go-to' and misspelling 'doomscrawling' should be 'doomscrolling'. Use semicolon or period instead of comma splice. Also, 'the' is not required before 'parks' here because speaking generally about parks is fine. Correct punctuation and spelling improve clarity. Suggestion: Use hyphens for compound modifiers and check spelling of less common words.

× It is also my safety net so I often go running, play badminton or take a long walk there and this helps me relieve stress and clear my mind.

✓ It is also my safety net, so I often go running, play badminton, or take a long walk there, which helps me relieve stress and clear my mind.

Original is a run-on sentence with missing commas and a weak connector. Replace 'and this helps' with 'which helps' to create a clear relative clause referring back to the activities. Add commas in the list and before the relative clause for correct sentence structure. Suggestion: Use commas to separate list items and 'which' to link the result clause.

× As a person who is interested in exploring new things and new places, I would like to see more parks in my city to avoid crowded places and for everyone to feel comfortable on what he or she is doing and of course to have more access in the park.

✓ As someone who is interested in exploring new things and places, I would like to see more parks in my city to avoid crowded areas, so that everyone can feel comfortable with what they are doing and, of course, have better access to parks.

Original uses the awkward phrase 'on what he or she is doing' and inconsistent nouns ('places' vs 'park'). Replace 'person' with 'someone' for naturalness, use plural 'they' for gender-neutral singular reference, and change prepositions: 'access in the park' -> 'access to parks'. Also 'avoid crowded places' -> 'avoid crowded areas' for variety and naturalness. Suggestion: Use singular 'they' for gender-neutral language and correct prepositions ('access to').

× Top of my mind is a park where lakes are evident and mountains are visible so people can feel the breeze and the fresh air of the area.

✓ At the top of my mind is a park with a visible lake and mountains, so people can feel the breeze and enjoy the area's fresh air.

'Top of my mind is' is informal and missing a preposition; better is 'At the top of my mind'. 'Lakes are evident' and 'mountains are visible' are awkward; use 'a visible lake and mountains' or 'with lakes and mountains'. Add commas to separate clauses and use 'enjoy the area's fresh air' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: Use natural collocations like 'visible lake', 'enjoy the fresh air', and include needed prepositions ('at the top of my mind').