Hometown— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the hometown, then add 1–2 specific supporting details. Avoid redundancy (don’t repeat studying/job reasons twice) and fix grammar (e.g., “I am fond of” or “I liked the peaceful atmosphere”). Use linking words briefly if needed.

Exemplo: I’m from Nagasaki, a coastal city in southern Japan. I lived there for 18 years and appreciated its peaceful atmosphere and close-knit community. Because it’s near the sea, many local festivals and fresh seafood were part of daily life.

Sugestão: Improve grammar and vary vocabulary. Begin with a clear topic sentence (I especially like the seafood). Use linking words (because, so, therefore) correctly and give one specific example or memory. Limit to 2–4 sentences to be natural and effective.

Exemplo: I especially like the fresh seafood in Nagasaki because the city is surrounded by the sea. For example, when I visit my family we often eat freshly caught crab and sashimi at a small local market, which I always look forward to.

Sugestão: Answer directly and avoid irrelevant background. Start with a clear sentence stating the duration, then add one brief, relevant reason if needed. Keep tense consistent (use present perfect or past simple appropriately) and avoid repeating information from other answers.

Exemplo: I lived in Nagasaki for about 18 years before moving to Tokyo. My sister’s experience working in Tokyo influenced my decision because she encouraged me to pursue better university and job opportunities there.

Sugestão: Structure the answer with a clear topic sentence and balanced supporting reasons. Use linking words (however, although, because) naturally and be specific about job types missing or attractions that appeal to youths. Keep language concise and correct minor errors (e.g., “the Netherlands” not “the Netherland”).

Exemplo: Nagasaki is a great place for young people to visit because of its rich history, such as sites related to 17th‑century trade with the Netherlands and the atomic bombing memorials. However, it may not be ideal to live in long term for many young professionals because there are limited high‑skill job opportunities in technology and finance.

× My hometown is Nagasaki, one of the rural cities located in southern area of Japan.

✓ My hometown is Nagasaki, one of the rural cities located in the southern area of Japan.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'southern area' is incorrect use of preposition/ article combination. Geographic noun phrases that refer to a specific part of a country normally take 'the'. Suggestion: use 'the southern area' or simply 'southern Japan'.

× I lived there for 18 years until I moved to enter one of the most prestigious universities in the country and to pursue better job opportunities.

✓ I lived there for 18 years until I moved to Tokyo to enter one of the most prestigious universities in the country and to pursue better job opportunities.

The original sentence is structurally awkward and unclear about destination; adding 'to Tokyo' clarifies the movement and aligns with later context. The phrase 'moved to enter' is acceptable but specify destination for clarity. Ensure parallel structure: 'to enter ... and to pursue ...' is fine.

× I fond of peaceful atmosphere in my hometown.

✓ I am fond of the peaceful atmosphere in my hometown.

The verb 'be' is missing before 'fond' (sentence without a verb/verb usage). According to allowed types, this maps to 'Sentence without a verb' and 'Incorrect use of adjectives or verbs'. Correction adds the appropriate verb 'am' and the definite article 'the' before 'peaceful atmosphere'. Suggestion: use 'I am fond of' or 'I like'.

× What I like most about my hometown is definitely eat seafood.

✓ What I like most about my hometown is definitely eating seafood.

After the structure 'What I like most ... is', a noun or gerund is needed; 'eat' (base verb) is incorrect. This matches 'Verb + -ing form' requirement. Use the gerund 'eating' to function as a noun.

× Nagasaki is largely surrounded by the sea and the city center is very close to the seashore, so we can easily enjoy eating freshly caught fish and crabs.

✓ Nagasaki is largely surrounded by the sea and the city center is very close to the seashore, so we can easily enjoy eating freshly caught fish and crab.

Parallel and count noun usage: 'crabs' as plural is not wrong, but when paired with 'fish' used uncountably, using 'crab' uncountably or 'crab and fish' is clearer. This maps to 'Incorrect use of adjectives or nouns' and 'Singular and plural issue'. Suggestion: use consistent noun forms: 'fish and crab' or 'fish and crabs' with articles as needed.

× Therefore, whenever I go back home, I usually eat sushi and sashimi with my family.

✓ Therefore, whenever I go back home, I usually eat sushi and sashimi with my family.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence is correct in present habitual tense. Included here to indicate no change was required.

× I lived in Nagasaki for about 18 years before I came to Tokyo to enter one of the most prestigious universities in Japan.

✓ I lived in Nagasaki for about 18 years before I came to Tokyo to enter one of the most prestigious universities in Japan.

Sentence is grammatically correct in past tense and consistent with the narrative. No change required.

× Before that, my older sister had been working at a large company in Tokyo, and she had always been encouraging me to come to Tokyo to get better job opportunities than those in Nagasaki.

✓ Before that, my older sister had been working at a large company in Tokyo, and she had always encouraged me to come to Tokyo to get better job opportunities than those in Nagasaki.

Using 'had been working' is acceptable, but 'had always been encouraging' is awkward; 'had always encouraged' is a clearer past perfect simple for a repeated action in the past before another past event. This maps to 'Past tense issue' and 'Verb in the past participle form' concerns. Suggestion: use past perfect simple for habitual past actions before another past event.

× I think Nagasaki is a good place for young people to visit for tourism because there are many historical sites to learn about the earlier international relations between the Netherland and the Japan during the 17th century and the atomic bombing in 1945.

✓ I think Nagasaki is a good place for young people to visit for tourism because there are many historical sites to learn about earlier international relations between the Netherlands and Japan during the 17th century and the atomic bombing in 1945.

Multiple preposition and noun form errors: use plural 'the Netherlands' for the country name, and remove 'the' before 'Japan'. 'Earlier' does not need 'the'. This maps to 'Incorrect use of prepositions' and 'Singular and plural issue'. Suggestion: use correct country names and articles: 'the Netherlands' and 'Japan'.

× However, I don't think it's a good place to live long term because there are no good job opportunities.

✓ However, I don't think it's a good place to live in long-term because there are no good job opportunities.

Add the preposition 'in' after 'live' to form 'live in' when referring to residing in a place; treat 'long-term' as adjective or adverb—'live in long-term' or 'live there long term'. This maps to 'Incorrect use of prepositions' and 'Article errors'. Suggestion: say 'to live in long term' or 'to live there in the long term'.