Advertisement— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and finish sentences. Focus on correct verb tense and article use (e.g., 'when I was a child', 'an advertisement', 'it went viral').

예시: When I was a child, an advertisement for a chocolate gelato impressed me. The ad went viral in my country because it showed the gelato’s chewy texture and rich flavor. Because of that vivid imagery, I really wanted to try it.

제안: Answer directly, use clearer linking words and more specific examples. Correct grammar (use present tense: 'I do see', 'they put posters') and avoid filler words. Limit to 2–3 sentences with a topic sentence and a supporting detail.

예시: Yes, I often see advertising on trains and other transport. For example, I frequently notice posters and TV screens promoting movies and fast food chains inside stations and carriages.

제안: State your opinion clearly, then give one or two concise reasons using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'however'). Correct grammar (singular/plural agreement, verb forms) and avoid long run-on sentences.

예시: I don't like most advertisements because they often create unrealistic expectations. As a result, products can feel disappointing when they don't match the promotion, although I understand ads help companies sell more.

제안: Give a direct topic sentence and one specific reason with a brief example. Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., 'storyline-based ads') and avoid informal or unclear comments like 'too nerd'.

예시: I prefer animated, storyline-based advertisements because they feel like short movies that entertain while promoting a product. For instance, a two-minute animated ad with a relatable character can make the message memorable.

제안: Give a concise answer with one specific reason and correct phrasing. Replace hesitation with smooth linking words (e.g., 'because', 'since') and avoid awkward phrasing like 'marketing strategy planner'—use 'marketers' or 'companies'.

예시: Yes, I see more advertisements on my phone and computer than in real life because marketers use social media and apps to target users directly. For example, I often see sponsored posts and video ads while scrolling through my feed.

× Yes, when I was child I have watched and advertisement about ice cream.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I watched an advertisement about ice cream.

The sentence mixes past time 'when I was a child' with present perfect 'have watched'. Use simple past 'watched' for a specific past time. Also add the article 'a' before 'child' and use 'an' before 'advertisement' for correct articles.

× The ice cream is actually goes off very viral on my country about the texture of the ice cream kind of like Gelato.

✓ The ice cream actually became very viral in my country because of its texture, which is similar to gelato.

'Goes off very viral' is incorrect phrasing and tense. Use simple past 'became' for a past event. Use the preposition 'in' with 'my country' and 'because of' to explain the reason. Use 'its' to show possession and 'similar to' for comparison.

× It's kind of chewy but so delicious.

✓ It was kind of chewy but very delicious.

Tense should match earlier past context (use 'was' not 'is'). Avoid informal 'so' for written correction; 'very' is more neutral. 'Kind of' is informal but acceptable; consider 'slightly' for precision.

× It's chocolate flavor ice cream and it has.

✓ It was chocolate-flavored ice cream.

The original sentence is incomplete and ungrammatical ('and it has' with no object). Combine description into 'chocolate-flavored ice cream' and use past tense 'was' to match context.

× Yes, I did see a lot of advertising on trains and transport.

✓ Yes, I used to see a lot of advertising on trains and other transport.

'Did see' is grammatically correct but awkward for habitual past; 'used to see' clearly indicates a regular past action. Also 'other transport' is clearer than repeating 'and transport'.

× Usually I see their advertisement on the TV or even sometimes they all make a poster and they paste it umm everywhere.

✓ Usually I see advertisements on TV, or sometimes they make posters and paste them everywhere.

Pronoun use: 'their advertisement' is unclear; use plural 'advertisements'. 'They all make a poster' should be 'they make posters' and 'they paste it' should match number: 'paste them'. Also remove filler 'umm' and use 'TV' without 'the'.

× And I usually I see an advertisement about the movie or sometimes kind of fast food.

✓ I usually see advertisements for movies or sometimes for fast food.

Avoid repeating 'I'. Use plural 'advertisements' for general statements and correct preposition 'for' with 'advertisements for movies'.

× Personally I don't like advertisement because I found that this advert, this kind of advertisement will makes people set a hard expectation on something that is not real and when they try something that is promoted by the advertisement it always disappointing but I know it is for the good for the company.

✓ Personally I don't like advertisements because I find that this kind of advert makes people have unrealistic expectations, and when they try something promoted by the advertisement it is always disappointing; though I know it is good for the company.

Use plural 'advertisements' for general statements. Match present simple 'find' for general belief. 'Will makes' is incorrect: use 'makes' (subject-verb agreement). 'Set a hard expectation' is unnatural; use 'have unrealistic expectations'. 'It always disappointing' needs 'is always disappointing'. Add punctuation to split long sentence.

× I like animation and storyline based advertisement because it's kind of like we watch some we watch a short movie in short story and it's not only like a formal advertisement.

✓ I like animated, storyline-based advertisements because they are like short movies or short stories and not just formal advertisements.

Use adjective forms 'animated' and hyphenate 'storyline-based'. Match plural 'advertisements' and plural verb 'are'. Simplify repeated phrases and use parallel structure.

× That is too nerd I think.

✓ I think that's too nerdy.

'Nerd' is a noun; use adjective 'nerdy'. Contract 'that is' to 'that's' if desired.

× Yes, I often see advertisement more on my phone and computer rather than in real life.

✓ Yes, I often see advertisements more on my phone and computer than in real life.

Use plural 'advertisements' for general statements. Use comparative structure 'more ... than' not 'rather than' in this context.

× This is because I believe that they, the marketing strategy planner, uh, found that phone and a computer is the perfect medium and social media is the perfect platform to express.

✓ This is because I believe that marketing strategists found that phones and computers are the perfect mediums and that social media is the perfect platform to advertise.

Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary commas. Use 'marketing strategists' (plural) for the agents. Match plurality: 'phones and computers are' and use correct noun 'mediums' or better 'media'; use 'to advertise' to complete the idea rather than 'to express'.