Relax— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence naming one or two main places, then give one specific detail about each. Avoid long, vague phrases (e.g., "boost myself with enormous energy") and check word choice ("gallery which is Sunfish" is unclear). Keep to 2–4 sentences.

예시: Lately I relax mostly in a small cozy room I built behind my office, where I can take short breaks during clinic hours. At home I also like to sit in a little gallery area called Sunfish, which has comfortable chairs and plants that help me unwind.

제안: Answer the direct question first (who), then add a brief supporting detail. This response drifted to activities rather than people, had grammar errors and unclear words ("unquenchable thrust"). Use correct tense and accurate vocabulary ("thirst"). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

예시: I usually relax alone, often listening to soulful music or reading in bed. Lately I prefer reading because it lets me enter the writer’s perspective and calm my mind.

제안: Give a clear, direct opinion and support it with one or two specific reasons. Avoid vague or incorrect phrases ("develop organic skills", "when we are music"). Use correct grammar and linking words (e.g., "because" , "for example"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, I find music very relaxing because it calms my mind and changes my mood. For example, listening to slow instrumental tracks helps me unwind after a long, monotonous day.

제안: Start with a concise topic sentence listing one or two main ways you relax, then give brief specific examples. Fix grammar ("ways I relax", "I go to my cozy bed"). Avoid fillers and incomplete sentences. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

예시: I usually relax by taking short naps in my cozy bed and by doing hobbies like playing chess or listening to music. For instance, a 20–30 minute nap refreshes me, and a quick chess game helps me switch off from work.

× There are several places where I can get rest and boost myself with enormous energy as well as stimulate my mind.

✓ There are several places where I can rest, recharge my energy, and stimulate my mind.

Use of 'get rest' is non-idiomatic; 'rest' without 'get' is correct. 'Boost myself with enormous energy' is awkward — use 'recharge my energy' or 'boost my energy'. Parallel structure requires consistent verbs: 'rest, recharge, and stimulate'. This keeps meaning clear and grammatically correct.

× I have also constructed a small cozy room behind my office.

✓ I have also built a small cozy room behind my office.

'Constructed' is grammatically correct but less natural here; 'built' is more idiomatic. The present perfect 'have built' is appropriate to describe a completed action with relevance now.

× Whenever I need to take rest during my clinic hours, I just go there.

✓ Whenever I need to rest during my clinic hours, I just go there.

Use 'rest' without the article 'a' or the verb phrase 'take a rest'; 'take rest' is incorrect. Correct forms: 'rest' or 'take a rest'.

× And in my house, I have a dedicated gallery which is Sunfish.

✓ And in my house, I have a dedicated gallery called Sunfish.

Use 'called' to name something. 'Which is Sunfish' is awkward; 'called Sunfish' or 'named Sunfish' is idiomatic.

× An issue I used to relax with a soulful music, but these days I just take rest a rest on my cozy bed and read a book so that I can imagine the perspective of the writer.

✓ I used to relax by listening to soulful music, but these days I just rest on my cozy bed and read a book to imagine the writer's perspective.

Original has word order and article errors: 'an issue' is incorrect, should be 'I used to'; 'relax with a soulful music' should be 'relax by listening to soulful music' (no article 'a'). 'Take rest a rest' is redundant and incorrect; use 'rest'. 'so that I can imagine the perspective of the writer' can be simplified to 'to imagine the writer's perspective' for clarity and naturalness.

× Because recently I have developed this hobby to read and I have unquenchable thrust.

✓ Recently I have developed a hobby of reading and I have an unquenchable thirst for it.

Use 'hobby of reading' not 'hobby to read'. 'Thrust' is the wrong word; correct is 'thirst' meaning strong desire. Include article 'an' before 'unquenchable thirst' and 'for it' to indicate what the thirst is for.

× Definitely Yeah.

✓ Definitely, yes.

Use a comma and lowercase 'yes' for natural spoken response transcription. 'Definitely Yeah' is informal and punctuated awkwardly; 'Definitely, yes' or just 'Definitely' is clearer.

× Music does magic on everybody.

✓ Music works like magic on everybody.

'Does magic on' is non-idiomatic. Use 'works like magic on' for correct collocation. This fixes verb phrase usage rather than strict agreement.

× It not only stimulated mind but also develop organic skills.

✓ It not only stimulates the mind but also develops certain organic skills.

The sentence should be in present simple because it states a general truth: 'stimulates' and 'develops' (third-person singular) are required. Add article 'the' before 'mind'. 'Organic skills' is unclear; 'certain organic skills' or a clearer phrase is better.

× So when we are music in the kind of vibration it create, it just somehow heal.

✓ So when we are in the kind of vibration that music creates, it somehow heals us.

Original has severe word order and missing relative pronoun: 'when we are music' is wrong. Correct structure: 'when we are in the kind of vibration that music creates'. Use third-person singular 'creates' and 'heals' and include object 'us' for clarity.

× That is why whenever I feel hectic and bored from my monotonous routine.

✓ That is why I listen to music whenever I feel stressed and bored with my monotonous routine.

Original is a sentence fragment lacking a main verb. Convert to a full sentence by adding the main clause 'I listen to music'. Use 'stressed' rather than 'hectic' to describe feeling, and 'bored with' rather than 'bored from'.

× There are several different way I'm relaxing.

✓ There are several different ways I relax.

Subject-verb agreement and quantifier issue: 'way' should be plural 'ways' to match 'several'. Use simple present 'I relax' or 'I am relaxing' depending on intended meaning; here simple present fits habitual actions.

× 1st and foremost, I would definitely go to my Koji bed and get to sleep.

✓ First and foremost, I would definitely go to my Koji bed and fall asleep.

Use 'First and foremost' instead of '1st'. 'Get to sleep' is awkward; 'fall asleep' is more natural. Keep formal word forms in spoken-transcript corrections.

× Doesn't matter if uh I really want to sleep or not.

✓ 'It doesn't matter whether I really want to sleep or not.'

Sentence is a fragment missing subject; add 'It' and use 'whether' for alternatives. Remove filler 'uh' in corrected transcript.

× And secondly, I pursue a hobby I like playing chess or listening to the music.

✓ Secondly, I pursue hobbies like playing chess or listening to music.

Use plural 'hobbies' or 'I pursue a hobby; I like playing chess...' The relative phrasing 'I like' is redundant. Remove the article 'the' before 'music'. Use parallel gerunds 'playing' and 'listening'.

× And the third which is.

✓ And third, I do other relaxing activities.

Original is an incomplete sentence/fragement. Provide a complete clause such as 'And third, I do other relaxing activities.' Alternatively, complete the thought with a specific activity.