Relax— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence stating the place, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce hesitations and avoid repetition. Focus on natural phrasing and correct collocations (e.g. “a peaceful park” or “the park”).

예시: Recently I usually go to Sun Park to relax. I visit it regularly because it has quiet walking paths and lots of trees, so I can read or simply sit and clear my mind.

제안: Answer directly and use linking words to explain reasons. Avoid filler words and correct small grammar errors (e.g. “it feels relaxing” not “it feels relaxed to”). Give a concise contrast: usually alone, sometimes with others, and why.

예시: I usually relax by myself because I enjoy the quiet and time to think. However, sometimes I go with close friends or family to chat and have a walk, which is more social and fun.

제안: Give a clear opinion followed by specific reasons and examples. Reduce repetition and use correct verb forms (e.g. “when I listen to music”). Mention what type of music and how it affects you using linking words like “because” or “for example.”

예시: Yes, listening to music is relaxing because it calms my mind and lowers my stress. For example, I often listen to soft piano or acoustic music when I’m studying or before bed, and it helps me unwind.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence listing the main activities, then give one or two specific details or examples. Use correct vocabulary (meditation, not medication) and avoid filler. Link ideas with words like “for example” or “because.”

예시: To relax I do physical and mental exercises, such as yoga, meditation and jogging. For example, I practise yoga twice a week because it helps stretch my body and meditation in the morning to clear my thoughts.

× As I go to relax, uh, recently, uh, I have been, always been, uh, I have, I, I have always been a natural level. So I chose to go, you know, uh, there is a sun park. So I, I, I regularly visit here and it gives me a, a Peace of Mind.

✓ Recently, to relax I have always gone to a nearby sun park, so I regularly visit it and it gives me peace of mind.

The original sentence contains redundancy and incorrect tense phrasing (mixing 'have been' and 'have always been' with unclear meaning). Use present perfect simple 'have always gone' to describe a repeated action up to now. 'Sun park' is better phrased as 'nearby sun park' or 'a nearby park', and 'visit here' should be 'visit it'. Capitalization 'Peace of Mind' should be 'peace of mind'. Remove filler words and repeated fragments for clarity and grammatical correctness.

× I think I don't need uh, anyone to relax, uh, but uh, if there is my, uh, close friends and family members, it will be better for uh, talking about something else.

✓ I think I don't need anyone to relax, but if my close friends or family are there, it is better for talking about other things.

Use 'anyone' without filler 'uh'. 'If there is my close friends' is incorrect: plural subject requires 'are' and 'my' should directly modify 'close friends or family'. Use 'it is better for talking about other things' to express purpose. This fixes pronoun placement and subject-verb agreement.

× But usually I go uh, alone and it feels relaxed to in a park.

✓ But usually I go alone and feel relaxed in the park.

'Feels relaxed to in a park' is ungrammatical. Use active subject 'I' with verb 'feel', and place adverbial phrase 'in the park' after the verb. Remove unnecessary 'uh' and use 'the park' if referring to the previously mentioned park.

× Uh, in my opinion it helps, it helps me a lot when I listening music, uh, it, it gives me a piece of peace and relaxed.

✓ In my opinion it helps me a lot when I listen to music; it gives me a sense of peace and makes me feel relaxed.

After 'when' use base verb 'listen' (or 'am listening' for continuous), not 'listening'. 'Piece of peace' is incorrect; use 'a sense of peace' or 'peace of mind'. Also use 'makes me feel relaxed' or 'relaxes me' for correct adjective usage.

× I, I usually listen uh, soft music, soft music, uh, it gives me relaxed vibes.

✓ I usually listen to soft music; it gives me relaxing vibes.

Remove repetition and filler. Use 'listen to' + noun. 'Relaxed vibes' is awkward; 'relaxing vibes' (adjective) or 'a relaxing atmosphere' is correct.

× Yes, I do different kinds of uh, activities, physical activities like uh, yoga and meditation and uh, exercise.

✓ Yes, I do different kinds of physical activities, like yoga, meditation, and exercise.

Remove extra commas and filler. 'Different kinds of activities, physical activities' is redundant; combine into 'different kinds of physical activities'. Use commas to list items correctly.

× Also, whenever I do uh, this type of activities, uh, it will, uh, it makes me feel relaxed, like doing yoga and medication, uh, it gives me a Peace of Mind.

✓ Also, whenever I do these types of activities, they make me feel relaxed; for example, doing yoga and meditation gives me peace of mind.

Use plural 'these types of activities' or 'this type of activity'. 'It will, it makes' mixes future and present; use present simple 'they make' for habitual actions. 'Medication' is wrong word; use 'meditation'. Fix capitalization and remove fillers.