Relax— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Replace vague descriptions (e.g., “quite” repeated) with precise adjectives and mention a concrete feature of the park (trees, pond, benches) to make the answer more vivid.

예시: I usually relax in a small park near my hostel. It is quiet and full of trees, and there is a small pond where I like to sit on a bench and read. Because it is peaceful and green, I find it easy to unwind there.

제안: Give a direct opening sentence, reduce repetition, and explain one clear reason with a linking word. Use natural phrases like “spend time alone” and provide a specific activity that helps you think more clearly (e.g., walking, reading, meditating).

예시: I usually relax alone because I prefer some quiet time to myself. For example, I take a slow walk in the park or sit and read, which helps me clear my thoughts and think more clearly.

제안: Open with a direct opinion, then give two concise supporting reasons using linking words (for example, “because” and “so”). Avoid word formation errors like “oftenly” and unnecessary phrases. Mention the type of music you prefer to add specificity.

예시: Yes, I find listening to music very relaxing because it helps me calm down when I'm in a bad mood and it increases my focus while I work. For instance, I often listen to soft acoustic or instrumental tracks, which make me feel calmer and more productive.

제안: Lead with a clear topic sentence listing 2–3 activities, then give a short specific detail for one of them. Avoid hesitations and repetition; use linking words like “first,” “second,” and “also.” Replace “play music” with “listen to music” if that is what you mean, and specify how playing guitar helps (e.g., practicing songs, focusing).

예시: I relax in a few ways: first, I usually listen to music to unwind; second, I play the guitar because practising songs helps me focus and forget my worries; and I also sometimes take a short nap when I'm tired.

× Uh, recently I had to go, uh, I, I go to a park which is situated near my hostel.

✓ Recently I have been going to a park that is near my hostel.

Use present perfect continuous or present perfect for an action that started in the past and continues to the present. 'I had to go' implies obligation in the past and is incorrect here. 'I go' is simple present (habit) but combined with 'recently' the present perfect continuous 'have been going' is more natural. Suggestion: Use 'I have been going' or 'I have been visiting' for recent repeated actions.

× Basically, it is a quite, uh, quite, quite, quite place and quite environmentally peaceful place and that is, uh, very natural, uh, vibes and I enjoy the place.

✓ Basically, it is a very quiet and peaceful place with a natural atmosphere, and I enjoy it.

'Quite' was overused and misapplied; 'quiet' (adjective) was misspelled as 'quite'. 'Environmentally peaceful place' is awkward; 'peaceful' alone or 'with a natural atmosphere' is clearer. 'Vibes' is informal and plural; use 'atmosphere' for formal speech. Remove redundancy. Suggestion: Use concise adjective phrases like 'a quiet and peaceful place'.

× I usually relax alone because I prefer to stay alone and uh, quite, uh, my mind, uh, rather than sitting with anyone because it calms me and I get a time to, uh, pass my time, my time with myself, and it helps me to think more clearly and visibly.

✓ I usually relax alone because I prefer to be by myself; it calms my mind more than sitting with others, and it gives me time to think more clearly.

Pronoun and phrasing errors: 'stay alone' is okay but 'be by myself' is more natural. 'My mind' was awkwardly inserted; 'it calms my mind' is correct. 'Pass my time, my time with myself' is redundant; use 'gives me time to think'. 'Visibly' is wrong in this context; 'clearly' is appropriate. Suggestion: Avoid redundancy and ensure pronouns refer clearly to their antecedents.

× Whenever I'm in a bad mood and wherever it is, I don't feel very well, I oftenly listen to music and then I also listen music whenever I'm working because it calms me and really it helps me to relax.

✓ Whenever I'm in a bad mood or not feeling well, I often listen to music, and I also listen to music while I'm working because it calms me and helps me relax.

'Oftenly' is not a word; use 'often'. 'Listen music' is missing the preposition 'to'. 'Whenever I'm in a bad mood and wherever it is' is awkward; 'or not feeling well' is concise. 'Really it helps me to relax' should be 'it helps me relax.' Suggestion: Use correct adverbs ('often'), include necessary prepositions ('listen to'), and keep adverb placement close to verbs.

× Yeah, definitely. Listening to music is a very relaxing.

✓ Yes, definitely. Listening to music is very relaxing.

'A very relaxing' is incomplete because 'relaxing' is an adjective describing something; the article 'a' makes it a noun phrase but no noun follows. Remove 'a' to form a correct adjective phrase: 'is very relaxing.' Suggestion: Use 'is very relaxing' or 'is a very relaxing activity.'

× I listen music and then I have if I have to say the secondly, I would say I play guitar because it helps me to calm my mind and relax me.

✓ I listen to music, and secondly, I play the guitar because it helps calm my mind and relaxes me.

Missing 'to' after 'listen'. 'If I have to say the secondly' is ungrammatical; use 'secondly' or 'also'. 'Play guitar' should include 'the' or 'play guitar' is acceptable but 'play the guitar' is clearer. 'Relax me' is awkward; use 'relaxes me.' Suggestion: Use correct verb+preposition ('listen to') and standard connectors ('firstly/secondly' or 'also').

× Then I if I had to say anything else I would say I I, I would sleep.

✓ If I had to say anything else, I would say I would sleep.

This sentence mixes present conditional with repeated fillers and hesitations; grammatically it's a conditional: 'If I had to say anything else, I would say I would sleep.' Ensure comma after the conditional clause. Repetition 'I I, I' should be removed. Suggestion: Remove fillers and use clear conditional structure: 'If I had to say anything else, I'd say I'd sleep.'