Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer directly, then add a few relevant details. Correct the phrasing to “a childhood dream” or “something I had dreamed of for years,” and use “an indispensable part.” Avoid repeating the idea that you enjoyed riding it, and connect your details smoothly without starting a sentence with “And.”

예시: Yes, I did. My parents gave me a bike for my fifth birthday, which was a wonderful surprise because I had wanted one for years. I rode it whenever I had free time, so it quickly became an important part of my childhood.

제안: Give a clear answer first and break up the long sentence. Use linking words such as “for example” and “also” to organize your reasons. Clarify the place name and distance, and replace vague wording like “bike riding” with “group bike rides” or “cycling events.”

예시: Yes, I think cycling is quite popular in my country. For example, the president sometimes joins group bike rides, which encourages local people to take part. Some cyclists travel long distances, and many enjoy cycling because it is healthy and a good way to spend time with others.

× And from that day on it was a indispensable part of my life.

✓ And from that day on, it was an indispensable part of my life.

Use an before a word that begins with a vowel sound. Indispensable begins with a vowel sound, so a should be changed to an.

× I generally think so, because the president of my country likes to organize bike riding with the locals and people enjoy it very much, so they ride bikes for long distances like from Armenia to Gumbri, which takes for example 3 or 5 hours and it's a healthy activity that's why people like it and enjoy doing it with others.

✓ I generally think so because the president of my country likes to organize bike rides with the locals, and people enjoy them very much. As a result, they ride bikes for long distances, such as from Armenia to Gumbri, which can take three to five hours. It is a healthy activity, which is why people like it and enjoy doing it with others.

The original sentence joins several complete ideas with commas and multiple conjunctions, creating a run-on sentence. Separate the ideas into shorter sentences and use clear connectors, such as as a result and which is why, to show how they relate.