Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, umm), correct grammar (use past tense consistently), and provide one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (for example, because) to make your answer coherent. Also avoid repeating the same adjective (‘fashion’ and ‘fashionable’)—choose one accurate word.

예시: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. I wanted to learn to ride and I thought bikes looked cool, especially because many of my friends rode them. For example, I used to ride to the park every weekend with a friend, which helped me become more confident on two wheels.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitation and repetition, and add a specific example or brief reason to support your view. Use linking words (because, therefore, for example) to connect ideas and include one concrete detail (e.g., shared bike services, traffic problem) to make the answer more informative.

예시: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country because traffic congestion makes driving slow and parking difficult. Therefore many people use bicycles, especially shared-bike services, for short trips; for example, I often take a shared bike to commute to the subway station to save time.

× I just want, I just wanted to learn how to ride a bike and I just think umm it is very fashion and it is very fashionable and very cool to have a bike.

✓ I just wanted to learn how to ride a bike, and I thought it was very fashionable and very cool to have a bike.

The sentence mixes present and past contexts. The speaker is describing a past desire ('wanted'), so the surrounding verbs should match past viewpoint. 'I just want' should be 'I just wanted' for consistency (Verb tense consistency; falls under use of verb + -ing form category because original uses 'want' then 'wanted' awkwardly). Also 'think' should be past 'thought'. 'Very fashion' is incorrect word form; 'fashion' is a noun, the correct adjective is 'fashionable'. Suggest keeping tense consistent and using correct adjective forms.

× You know when other kids have that I wanted to.

✓ You know, when other kids had one, I wanted one too.

The verb tense should be past ('had') to match 'I wanted'. The pronoun 'that' is vague; using 'one' (referring to a bike) is clearer. Also add 'too' to convey the meaning of wanting the same as others. This fixes adjective/adverb/pronoun clarity and maintains past tense consistency.

× Yes, it's quite popular in my country.

✓ Yes, they're quite popular in my country.

The question asks about 'bikes' (plural). The student answered 'it's' (singular). To refer to 'bikes', use plural subject 'they' and verb 'are' contracted to 'they're'. This fixes singular/plural agreement.

× You know, uh, sometimes it's not very convenient, convenient to drive a car in the city just due to the traffic jam or the red lights.

✓ You know, sometimes it's not very convenient to drive a car in the city because of traffic jams or red lights.

The phrase repeats 'convenient' unnecessarily; remove duplication. Use 'because of' instead of 'due to' for clearer causal connection in this context. 'Traffic jam' should be plural 'traffic jams' to match general meaning. This corrects sentence redundancy and improves preposition usage.

× So at this, at this time, it is more convenient to ride a bike and we have shared bikes.

✓ So at those times, it is more convenient to ride a bike, and we also have shared bikes.

The repetition 'at this, at this time' is awkward; use 'at those times' or 'at such times' to refer back to situations described. Adding 'also' improves flow when introducing shared bikes. This fixes wording and cohesion issues.