Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is relevant and gives personal detail, but it has some hesitations and redundancy ("So honest, honestly", "uh") and slightly long sentences. To improve, start with a clear topic sentence, remove filler words, use one or two supporting details linked smoothly (use linking words like "because" or "which helped"), and keep length to about 2–4 sentences. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., "bonded" instead of "bond over this time").

예시: Yes, I did. I had a small bicycle and I loved riding it because learning with my father helped us bond. Also, cycling was good exercise and helped me develop balance and leg strength.

제안: Your answer expresses opinion and reason, but it has unclear phrasing ("industrial revolution" is inappropriate) and many hesitations. To improve, use clear, context-appropriate vocabulary (e.g., "urbanization" or "economic development"), provide a concise reason with one or two specific examples, and avoid repetition. Structure: topic sentence, linking word ("because"), then a concrete example.

예시: Not really. Bicycles are less common now because urbanization and rising incomes mean many people prefer cars or motorcycles for speed and convenience; for example, commuting by motorbike is popular in cities.

× So honest, honestly, I did have a bike and I enjoyed it a lot.

✓ To be honest, I did have a bike, and I enjoyed it a lot.

The phrase 'So honest, honestly' is awkward and ungrammatical. Use the common discourse marker 'To be honest' to introduce a candid statement. Also add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' to join two independent clauses. Suggestion: use set expressions ('To be honest') and correct punctuation for clarity.

× The fact that I was trying to learn how to ride a bike with my father uh, gave me an opportunity to bond over this time that we spent together.

✓ Trying to learn how to ride a bike with my father gave me the opportunity to bond during the time we spent together.

The original sentence is wordy and misplaces 'the fact that' and 'uh'. Reduce unnecessary nominalization ('The fact that I was trying') to a clearer verb phrase ('Trying to learn'). Place 'during' to show when bonding happened and remove filler 'uh'. This improves sentence flow and clarity.

× And additionally, I do think that it's a great, uh, way to develop your muscles.

✓ Additionally, I think it's a great way to develop muscles.

Remove filler 'uh' and the extra comma after 'great'. Using 'your muscles' is acceptable but more natural in general statements is 'muscles' (no definite article needed). Also 'I do think' can be simplified to 'I think' for smoother speech.

× Unfortunately, I wouldn't say that they are as prominent and as I would like them to be.

✓ Unfortunately, I wouldn't say they are as prominent as I would like them to be.

The phrase 'as prominent and as I would like them to be' is ungrammatical because it incorrectly inserts 'and'. Use the standard comparative structure 'as...as' without 'and'. Also remove the extra 'that' for conciseness.

× Uh, everything is, everything boils down to the, uh, industrial revolution, which is on the up nowadays and people tend to opt for the cars or motorcycles, uh, which gives them the opportunity to drive faster.

✓ Everything boils down to industrialization, which is growing nowadays, and people tend to choose cars or motorcycles because they allow them to travel faster.

The original has filler words ('uh'), repetition ('everything is, everything boils down to'), and awkward phrasing ('the industrial revolution, which is on the up nowadays'). 'Industrialization' is a clearer noun; 'growing' fits 'on the up'. Use 'choose' instead of 'opt for the' for natural speech and 'allow them to travel faster' is clearer than 'gives them the opportunity to drive faster.' Remove unnecessary articles ('the' before industrialization) and filler for clarity.