Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and chronological. Start with a clear topic sentence stating when you got your first bike, then give one or two specific supporting details (age, who gave it, appearance, a short memory). Use linking words like “actually” or “in fact” to connect ideas and avoid repetition. Keep to 3–4 sentences.

예시: I got my first bike when I was four as a birthday gift from my parents. It was small and pink, so it felt very special to me. I remember learning to ride it in the park near our house and feeling proud when I could ride without training wheels.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and then support it with specific reasons or examples. Use linking words such as “because” and “for example” to make your answer logical. Avoid filler phrases and correct small grammar issues (e.g., “many people don’t own cars” or “in big cities such as Tokyo and Osaka”). Limit to 2–3 sentences for clarity.

예시: Yes, bikes are very popular in Japan, especially in big cities such as Tokyo and Osaka. This is because many people do not own cars and find bicycles a convenient and affordable way to commute, for example to work or to the station.

× And I got when I was seven, I think when I was four years old, I got my first own bike as my birthday gift and it was pink color.

✓ I got it when I was seven. I think my very first bike was given to me for my fourth birthday; it was pink.

The original is confusing and repeats 'got' with inconsistent ages. Separate ideas into clear past-tense sentences and use appropriate verbs and articles. Use 'given to me' or 'received' for presents and 'it was pink' instead of 'pink color.' Use articles ('my first bike', 'a pink one') to be grammatical.

× It was quite small, but yeah, it was cute.

✓ It was quite small, but it was cute.

Informal filler 'yeah' is unnecessary in a formal answer. Repeat of 'it was' is acceptable; keeping parallel structure is clearer. No adjective error beyond register; keeping concise improves clarity.

× I love it.

✓ I loved it.

The context refers to a past object no longer owned; use past tense 'loved' to match 'I got' and 'it was.' Present tense suggests you still own and currently love it, which may be incorrect given context.

× Yes, I do think bikes are very popular in Japan which is my country and especially like big city like Tokyo, Osaka because I know many people don't have own cars.

✓ Yes, I think bicycles are very popular in Japan, especially in big cities like Tokyo and Osaka, because many people do not own cars.

Use present simple 'think' (do not need auxiliary 'do' for emphasis), 'bicycles' is more natural, add commas for clauses, use plural 'cities' and correct preposition 'in big cities like.' Use 'do not own cars' rather than 'don't have own cars' and remove 'I know' which is unnecessary.

× Instead of a car many people use bikes.

✓ Instead of cars, many people use bicycles.

'Instead of a car' is singular and awkward; match plurality with 'many people' by using 'cars.' Use 'bicycles' for formality and clarity. Add comma after introductory phrase.