Study— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the response more concise, correct grammar and use a clear topic sentence. Avoid redundancy and minor errors (e.g. "I actually never work" -> "I am not working"). Keep to 2–3 sentences and include one specific purpose. Use linking words if adding details.

예시: I am not working at the moment; I’m a stay-at-home wife studying English. I’m preparing for the IELTS because I plan to immigrate and continue my studies abroad.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence and reduce hesitation. Correct awkward phrases (e.g. "in a mood" -> "not in the mood"; "press temperature" unclear — say "room temperature"). Use one linking word to contrast choices.

예시: I usually study at home, although I sometimes go to the library when I’m not in the mood to study there. I prefer home because I can control the environment and the room temperature.

제안: Provide a concise topic sentence and avoid repetition ("because" used twice). Combine ideas with linking words and correct minor grammar ("no child to make noises" -> "no children to make noise"). Keep to 2–3 sentences with specific supporting detail.

예시: Yes, it’s a very good place to study because it’s quiet and comfortable. Everything I need is nearby, and I can decide when to take breaks and what to eat.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and explain briefly why the change is needed. Remove fillers ("uh"), fix grammar ("a desk can help me a lot to be more concentrated" -> "a desk would help me concentrate"). Provide a short consequence or benefit.

예시: Yes. I would like a proper desk because I currently study on the sofa or floor, which is uncomfortable. Having a desk would help me concentrate and improve my posture.

제안: Begin with a clear, error-free statement of your plans. Correct grammar ("masters degree" -> "a master’s degree"; "at the same major as my UH bachelors" -> "in the same field as my bachelor’s degree"). Avoid repetition and be specific about goals (admission and funding).

예시: I plan to study for a master’s degree in biomedical engineering, the same field as my bachelor’s. I hope to be admitted to a good university and to secure full funding for my studies.

× I actually never work or study at the moment, I'm unemployed and I'm a stay home wife who studies English for the IELTS exam for immigrating to another country so there I can continue my studies.

✓ I am not working or studying at the moment; I'm unemployed and I'm a stay-at-home wife who studies English for the IELTS exam to immigrate to another country so I can continue my studies there.

Uses present continuous for current temporary situation: 'never work or study at the moment' is awkward and incorrect tense/word order. Change to 'am not working or studying at the moment'. 'stay home wife' requires hyphens: 'stay-at-home wife'. 'for immigrating to another country' should be 'to immigrate to another country' (infinitive to express purpose). 'so there I can continue' has incorrect word order; place 'there' after 'study' or move 'there' to end: 'so I can continue my studies there.'

× I often study at home, but I sometimes try to go to a library when I'm not in a mood to study in the house.

✓ I often study at home, but I sometimes try to go to a library when I'm not in the mood to study at home.

'not in a mood' is missing the article 'the': use 'not in the mood'. 'in the house' is odd; 'at home' is the common collocation. Tense is fine; corrections are collocation/article usage.

× Uh, but I prefer staying at home and studying because I can control the environment and even the press temperature.

✓ But I prefer staying at home and studying because I can control the environment and even the room temperature.

'press temperature' is incorrect word choice; likely meant 'room temperature'. Also remove filler 'Uh'. 'Prefer staying at home' is acceptable; main error is wrong noun 'press' instead of 'room'.

× Absolutely yes, because it's always quiet and I have no child to make noises so it's quite comfortable for me to study at home because everything I need is there.

✓ Absolutely, because it's always quiet and I don't have any children to make noise, so it's quite comfortable for me to study at home since everything I need is there.

'I have no child to make noises' is unnatural: use 'I don't have any children' or 'I have no children'. 'Make noises' should be 'make noise' (uncountable). Also replace second 'because' with 'since' or restructure to avoid repetition.

× Even I can decide what what to eat and when to stop studying.

✓ I can even decide what to eat and when to stop studying.

'Even I can' has awkward word order; 'I can even decide' is natural. There is a duplicated word 'what what' — remove the duplicate.

× Yes, I do actually, uh, desk can help me a lot, uh, to be more concentrated and because now I study on the sofa or wherever I can or even on the floor, which is not comfortable enough for me.

✓ Yes, I do. Actually, a desk would help me a lot to concentrate more, because now I study on the sofa or wherever I can, or even on the floor, which is not comfortable enough for me.

Missing article before 'desk': use 'a desk'. 'Can help me a lot' is acceptable but 'would help' expresses desire/conditional. 'to be more concentrated' is unnatural; use 'to concentrate more' or 'to be more focused'. Also punctuation and filler reduction improve clarity.

× So a desk would help me a lot.

✓ So a desk would help me a lot.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Included to show it matches context with conditional 'would'.

× I'm planning to study my masters degree in biomedical engineering at the same major as my UH bachelors.

✓ I'm planning to study for my master's degree in biomedical engineering, the same field as my UH bachelor's degree.

Use 'study for my master's degree' or 'study my master's degree'. 'Masters' needs apostrophe: 'master's'. 'bachelors' needs apostrophe and 'degree': 'bachelor's degree'. 'Major' is better replaced by 'field' or 'specialization' for clarity. 'at the same major as my UH bachelors' is ungrammatical; restructure to 'the same field as my UH bachelor's degree'.

× I really love this major and I hope I UH will be admitted in a good university and get full funded.

✓ I really love this field and I hope I will be admitted to a good university and receive full funding.

'I UH' appears to be a disfluent insertion; remove 'UH'. Use 'admitted to' rather than 'admitted in'. 'get full funded' is incorrect: use 'receive full funding' or 'be fully funded'. Also 'major' changed to 'field' for consistency. Verb 'receive' fits the context.