Study— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be concise and give a clear topic sentence stating your job, then briefly explain your role with simple, grammatical sentences. Avoid fragments and unclear phrases; use linking words if you add details. Aim for 2–3 sentences, each complete and natural.

예시: I work for an IT service company called Rakuten. I am part of the finance team that reports profit and loss information to the executive office, so I prepare comprehensive PL reports for senior managers.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., ‘I study at home and during my commute’), then give specific times and purposes. Avoid vague phrases like ‘etcetera’ and reduce redundancy. Use linking words such as ‘also’ or ‘sometimes’ to connect ideas.

예시: I usually study during my commute and for an hour each morning at home. I also spend some time on weekends reading books to update my professional knowledge.

제안: Answer directly then give specific reasons and a brief example. Use linking words (because, so) correctly and keep sentences well-formed. Try to avoid repetition like ‘study all my work’ — be specific about what you study.

예시: Yes, both my home and my office in the morning are good places to study because the office is quiet at 7:00. As a result, I usually get one to two hours of uninterrupted time to concentrate on reports or reading.

제안: Give a clear direct answer and then one specific improvement. Avoid fillers like ‘uh’ and unclear phrases. Use linking words (however, but) and explain why the change would help with a brief example.

예시: Not really, I like it as it is. However, I would prefer occasional full-time quiet days for myself because then I could focus completely without family distractions on weekends.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence about your immediate and long-term study plans. Avoid unclear words like ‘What is the reason?’ and fillers like ‘UH’. Use linking words (first, later) and be specific about the program and timeline.

예시: At the moment I am preparing for the IELTS exam. In the long term, I plan to apply for a postgraduate finance program at UCL to further my career in finance.

× I'm not a student, I work for UH IT service company called Rakuten.

✓ I'm not a student; I work for an IT service company called Rakuten.

Use the indefinite article 'an' before a singular countable noun beginning with a vowel sound ('IT service company'). Also replace the comma with a semicolon or period because there are two independent clauses. Suggestion: 'I'm not a student; I work for an IT service company called Rakuten.'

× I'm not in a position called President office which.

✓ I'm not in a position called 'President's office.'

The original sentence has incorrect word order and a dangling 'which'. Reorder to 'position called President's office' and use the possessive form 'President's office' or quote the title. Also remove the dangling relative pronoun 'which'.

× Comprehensively report PL. for.

✓ I comprehensively report on the PL (product line).

The fragment 'Comprehensively report PL. for.' lacks a clear subject and verb structure and a preposition. Make it a full sentence with subject 'I' and verb 'report on' and clarify the abbreviation. Suggestion: 'I comprehensively report on the PL.'

× I'm not a student so mainly I study when I commute to work and after that in the morning I have an hour to study for my work and etcetera.

✓ I'm not a student, so I mainly study when I commute to work, and in the morning I have an hour to study for my work, etc.

Punctuation and word order needed improvement to make present habitual actions clear. Use commas to separate clauses and place 'mainly' before the verb cluster it modifies. Replace 'and etcetera' with 'etc.' or remove it. The tense (present simple) is correct for habitual actions.

× On the weekends sometimes I read a book to input information.

✓ On weekends, I sometimes read books to get information.

'On the weekends' is acceptable, but 'On weekends' is more natural in this context; place adverb 'sometimes' after the comma and use plural 'books' or 'a book' consistently. 'To input information' is awkward; use 'to get information' or 'to learn.'

× My home and my office in the morning, it's really good because especially in my office, there's not much people around when it's 7:00, so I have one to two hours of quiet time.

✓ My home and my office in the morning are really good places to study because, especially in my office, there aren't many people around at 7:00, so I have one to two hours of quiet time.

Several issues: subject-verb agreement and article/quantifier problems. 'My home and my office ... it's' should be 'are' (plural subject). 'Not much people' is incorrect; use 'not many people' for countable nouns. Use preposition 'at 7:00' rather than 'when it's 7:00' for conciseness. Also rephrase to be grammatical.

× I can concentrate and study all my work.

✓ I can concentrate and study all my work.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable, but 'study all my work' is slightly awkward; consider 'study for all my work' or 'study everything I need for work.' No change required under listed types except optional rephrase for clarity.

× No, not much. I pretty like as is, but sometimes I think that I would like, uh, full time for only myself because there's no distractions.

✓ No, not much. I pretty much like it as it is, but sometimes I think that I would like full time just for myself because there would be no distractions.

Use adverb 'pretty much' not 'pretty' to modify 'like.' Include 'it' after 'like' and 'as it is.' Use 'just for myself' rather than 'only myself.' Change 'there's no distractions' to 'there would be no distractions' or 'there are no distractions' to match certainty/context. Also remove filler 'uh.'

× Weekends I have to play with my family.

✓ On weekends, I have to play with my family.

Add preposition 'on' to form natural time expression 'on weekends.' Present tense is appropriate for habitual action; punctuation and word order improved.

× What is the reason? I'm UH studying for this IELTS exam but I wish to enroll in the UH post graduate program for UCL to study finance in the long term.

✓ The reason is that I'm studying for this IELTS exam, and I wish to enroll in a postgraduate program at UCL to study finance in the long term.

'What is the reason?' is a bit unnatural as a standalone; better to say 'The reason is that...'. Remove filler 'UH'. Use 'postgraduate' as one word and 'at UCL' rather than 'for UCL'. Use 'a' before 'postgraduate program.' Maintain present continuous 'I'm studying' for current action and 'wish to enroll' for future intention.