Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Give a clear answer first, then add one or two specific examples. Correct the tense by changing “need” to “needed” and “become” to “would become” because you are describing your childhood. Also, avoid joining several ideas in one sentence; use a full stop or a linking phrase such as “Additionally.”

예시: Yes, I had plenty of opportunities to try new activities as a child. My parents encouraged me to join school clubs because they wanted me to become more confident and courageous. Additionally, I attended a summer camp every year, where I learned how to work with other children and became more independent.

제안: Your response is well organized and directly answers the question, with clear reasons and a linking phrase. Improve the vocabulary and naturalness by writing “self-confidence” with a hyphen and replacing “add skills to your character” with “develop useful skills and personal qualities.” You could also include a brief example to make the answer more specific.

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities, especially when they are young. New experiences can build self-confidence and help people develop useful skills, such as teamwork and problem-solving. They can also expand their social circle; for example, joining a sports club may help someone make new friends.

× My parents believed that I need to attend all the clubs in school so that I become more confident and more courageous.

✓ My parents believed that I needed to attend all the clubs at school so that I would become more confident and courageous.

The main verb believed is in the past tense, so the verbs in the reported clause should normally be shifted into the past or future-in-the-past. Use needed instead of need and would become instead of become. Also, the second occurrence of more is unnecessary because confident and courageous can be coordinated naturally without repeating the comparative marker.

× My parents believed that I need to attend all the clubs in school so that I become more confident and more courageous in addition to that, I attended summer camps yearly and this boosted my confidence and helped me to become a better person.

✓ My parents believed that I needed to attend all the clubs at school so that I would become more confident and courageous. In addition to that, I attended summer camps yearly, which boosted my confidence and helped me become a better person.

The original sentence joins two complete thoughts with only a comma, creating a run-on sentence. Separate the ideas with a full stop and begin In addition to that as a new sentence. The relative clause which boosted my confidence and helped me become a better person clearly explains the effect of attending summer camps.