Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Ответ раскрывает вопрос и содержит личное мнение, но начало звучит слишком обобщённо и не согласуется по времени: вместо “when you study” нужно использовать “when you are at school” или “when I was at school”. Фраза “opportunities that you were offered” неестественна; лучше сказать “opportunities offered by my teachers”. Используйте более точное выражение “I made the mistake of not taking part” вместо “by my own mistake”, а после “regret” не нужен предлог “about”: “I regret it”. Ответ можно сделать более эффективным, сразу указав конкретный пример занятия и связав причину с результатом.

예시: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities at school, such as joining the drama club and playing basketball. However, I made the mistake of not taking part because I was quite shy. Looking back, I regret missing those opportunities because they could have helped me become more confident.

제안: Основная идея понятна, но ответ содержит много ошибок в грамматике, выборе слов и структуре. Вместо “as many activities as impossible” нужно сказать “as many activities as possible”, а “improve your personal personality” следует заменить на “develop as a person” или “improve your personality”. Избегайте разговорных заполнителей “like” и повторов “see like”; используйте связки “because”, “for example” и “as a result”. Также исправьте “open minded” на “open-minded” и “really early significant” на “particularly significant”. Для более сильного ответа выразите мнение прямо, затем добавьте две конкретные причины и короткий пример.

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities, although they do not need to do everything. Trying new things can help them discover their interests and become more open-minded. For example, someone who joins a sports team may develop both confidence and communication skills. As a result, they may find new opportunities in the future.

× Of course, when you study at school, there are plenty of opportunities that you were offered by your teachers, but by my own mistake, I just decided to not participate in any of them, so nowadays I really regret about that.

✓ Of course, when you studied at school, there were plenty of opportunities offered by your teachers, but because of my own mistake, I decided not to participate in any of them, so nowadays I really regret it.

The question refers to the student's childhood, so the past tense is needed: studied and were. The phrase there were also agrees with the past-time context. Use the past tense when describing completed experiences in childhood.

× Of course, when you study at school, there are plenty of opportunities that you were offered by your teachers, but by my own mistake, I just decided to not participate in any of them, so nowadays I really regret about that.

✓ Of course, when you studied at school, there were plenty of opportunities offered by your teachers, but because of my own mistake, I decided not to participate in any of them, so nowadays I really regret it.

By my own mistake is not the correct prepositional expression here. Use because of my own mistake to express the reason. Also, the verb regret is normally followed directly by a noun or pronoun, so say regret it or regret that decision, not regret about it.

× Yeah, from my perspective, it's really necessary to participate in many activities as impossible because by doing that you can improve your personal personality and like be more open minded and see like expand your horizons that is really early significant to do in your life.

✓ Yeah, from my perspective, it's really necessary to participate in as many different activities as possible because, by doing that, you can improve your personality, become more open-minded, and expand your horizons, which is really significant in life.

The fixed comparative structure is as many activities as possible, not as many activities as impossible. Use as ... as possible when expressing the greatest practical amount or degree.

× Yeah, from my perspective, it's really necessary to participate in many activities as impossible because by doing that you can improve your personal personality and like be more open minded and see like expand your horizons that is really early significant to do in your life.

✓ Yeah, from my perspective, it's really necessary to participate in as many different activities as possible because, by doing that, you can improve your personality, become more open-minded, and expand your horizons, which is really significant in life.

Personal personality is redundant because personality already refers to a person's character. Early significant is also incorrect because early does not mean very or extremely in this context. Use improve your personality and really significant or extremely significant. Avoid using an adjective that does not express the intended meaning.

× Yeah, from my perspective, it's really necessary to participate in many activities as impossible because by doing that you can improve your personal personality and like be more open minded and see like expand your horizons that is really early significant to do in your life.

✓ Yeah, from my perspective, it's really necessary to participate in as many different activities as possible because, by doing that, you can improve your personality, become more open-minded, and expand your horizons, which is really significant in life.

The sequence like be more open minded and see like expand your horizons is not grammatically structured. Use parallel verb forms after can: improve, become, and expand. Avoid inserting like between verbs unless it is being used intentionally as a discourse marker.