Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question more directly with a clear opening, such as “Not many.” Improve sentence structure and punctuation by avoiding a run-on sentence. The phrase “following my doctor's order” is unclear because it was probably the doctor who advised you to avoid extracurricular activities, not your parents. Also, “opening up the surgical wound” is understandable, but “reopening the surgical wound” sounds more natural. Keep the answer to three or four focused sentences and connect the details logically with linking words such as “however” and “because.”

예시: Not many. My school did not offer many opportunities to try new activities, although I occasionally played sports. However, after I had surgery on my head, my doctor advised me to avoid extracurricular activities because I might reopen the wound. As a result, I had to limit my participation for a while.

제안: Give a complete topic sentence and correct the grammar in the supporting ideas. After “should,” use the base form “try,” or begin a new sentence with “Trying.” The phrases “help in personal growth” and “help them in a healthy way” are unnatural; use “promote personal growth” and “improve their physical and mental health.” Organize the reasons with a linking word such as “because,” and add a specific example to make the answer more effective.

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because this can promote personal growth and improve their physical and mental health. For example, joining a sports club can help someone become fitter while also teaching them teamwork. Trying new things can also help people discover interests and abilities they did not know they had.

× Not much there weren't any opportunities in my school.

✓ Not many. There weren't any opportunities at my school.

Opportunities are countable plural nouns, so many is used instead of much. Much is used with uncountable nouns, such as time or money. Also, separating the short answer from the following sentence makes the meaning clearer.

× I did do sports, even though my parents discouraged me to participate in extracurricular activities following my doctor's order because they were afraid of opening up the surgical wound that I had on my head.

✓ I did do sports, even though my parents discouraged me from participating in extracurricular activities, following my doctor's order because they were afraid of opening up the surgical wound that I had on my head.

The verb discourage is followed by the preposition from and a gerund, so the correct pattern is discourage someone from doing something, not discourage someone to do something.

× Yeah, I think they should participating in different activities will help in personal growth makes a person stay fit and also help them in a healthy way.

✓ Yeah, I think they should. Participating in different activities will help with personal growth, keep people fit, and help them stay healthy.

After the modal verb should, use the base form of the verb, such as should participate. In this answer, however, should can complete the sentence because the activity has already been mentioned. The following sentence then explains the benefits.

× Yeah, I think they should participating in different activities will help in personal growth makes a person stay fit and also help them in a healthy way.

✓ Yeah, I think they should. Participating in different activities will help with personal growth, keep people fit, and help them stay healthy.

The original sentence incorrectly joins several clauses without clear punctuation or parallel structure. Use a full stop after should, and use parallel verb forms after will: help, keep, and help. The phrase help them stay healthy is also clearer than help them in a healthy way.