Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer directly and organize the activities more clearly. Avoid repeating “a lot of sports” and “opportunities,” and replace the unnatural phrase “I tried myself in drawing” with “I tried drawing” or “I took up drawing.” Since you are describing childhood, use the past tense consistently: “I really liked it,” not “I really like it.” Add one specific detail about an activity and use a linking word such as “For example” or “In addition.”

예시: Yes, I had plenty of opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I played several sports, learned chess, and took up drawing. I especially enjoyed chess because it helped me think more carefully and solve problems. These activities also taught me to be more disciplined.

제안: Give a clear opinion in the first sentence, then explain it with one or two logical reasons. The phrase “try everything that he can develop everything” is unclear and repetitive; say “try a variety of activities” instead. Use a linking word such as “because” to connect your reason to your opinion, and include a specific example or result. You could also avoid the awkward generic pronoun “he” by using “they” or “people.”

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities whenever possible. This is because new experiences help them discover their interests and develop useful skills. For example, someone who joins a sports club may become more confident and learn how to work in a team. These skills can be valuable in the future.

× I did a lot of sports, I played chess also, I tried myself in drawing.

✓ I played a lot of sports, also played chess, and tried drawing.

The original sentence joins several independent clauses with commas, creating a run-on sentence. Use a coordinated structure with and to connect the activities clearly. Also, tried drawing is the natural structure when describing an activity you attempted.

× I did a lot of sports, I played chess also, I tried myself in drawing.

✓ I played a lot of sports, also played chess, and tried my hand at drawing.

The expression tried myself in drawing is not idiomatic in English. Use tried drawing or tried my hand at drawing. The preposition at is used in the expression try one's hand at an activity.

× I really like it and I also used to do a lot of sports.

✓ I really liked those activities, and I also used to do a lot of sports.

The answer describes childhood experiences, so the past tense liked is more appropriate than the present tense like. The phrase used to do is correctly used for a repeated activity in the past.

× I really like it and I also used to do a lot of sports.

✓ I really liked those activities, and I also used to do a lot of sports.

The pronoun it is singular, but it refers generally to several activities, such as sports, chess, and drawing. Use the plural expression those activities or the pronoun them instead.

× In my opinion, yes, a person should definitely try everything that he can develop everything and try as much as he can so it will help him in the future.

✓ In my opinion, yes. People should definitely try as many different things as they can because doing so will help them in the future.

The original sentence contains an incomplete and confusing structure: try everything that he can develop everything. It repeats everything and does not connect the ideas correctly. Use a clear subject, verb, and object structure, and use because to explain the reason.