Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question more directly and use consistent past tense. Say “I took part in” instead of “I take part in,” and replace unnatural phrases such as “physical health being” with “physical health.” Avoid repeating “activities” and “these were the activities.” You could also give one specific example and explain how it benefited you. Use linking words such as “For example” and “As a result” to make the answer more coherent.

예시: Yes, definitely. When I was a child, I took part in several activities, including sports, painting, and school clubs. For example, I often played badminton after school, which helped me stay fit and make friends. I also enjoyed drawing because it allowed me to be creative.

제안: Your opinion is clear, but “according to my opinion” is unnatural; use “In my opinion.” Avoid repeating “pursue” and “activities,” and make the answer more concise. Explain one or two specific benefits, such as discovering personal interests or developing useful skills. Use a linking expression such as “For instance” to introduce an example, and finish with a clear concluding sentence rather than “So that would be helpful.”

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of things, especially when they are young. In my opinion, this helps them discover their interests and develop new skills. For instance, someone who tries volunteering, sports, and music may find a talent or career path they had never considered. However, they should focus on the activities they genuinely enjoy.

× Definitely, I had a lot of activities in which I take part in and these types of activities were physical activities, Co curricular activities and also the painting, drawing, etcetera, which help the overall development of my mind as well as the physical health being.

✓ Definitely, I took part in many activities, including physical activities, co-curricular activities, painting, and drawing, which helped the overall development of my mind as well as my physical health.

Because the question refers to childhood, the answer should use the past tense. Take changes to took, and help changes to helped. The phrase physical health being is grammatically incomplete, so it should be changed to my physical health.

× Definitely, I had a lot of activities in which I take part in and these types of activities were physical activities, Co curricular activities and also the painting, drawing, etcetera, which help the overall development of my mind as well as the physical health being.

✓ Definitely, I took part in many activities, including physical activities, co-curricular activities, painting, and drawing, which helped the overall development of my mind as well as my physical health.

The original sentence contains an awkward and incomplete structure. Using I took part in many activities, including creates a clearer sentence. Also, painting and drawing can be listed directly without the unnecessary article the.

× Certainly, according to my opinion, people should try as many different things as they can as it gives them the exposure and also the experience of the new activities and they can also learn about which is the best thing for them to pursue their career or to pursue a hobby.

✓ Certainly, in my opinion, people should try as many different things as they can because this gives them exposure to and experience with new activities, and they can also learn which activities are best for them to pursue as a career or hobby.

The standard expression is in my opinion, not according to my opinion. We also say exposure to something and experience with something. These prepositions make the relationships between the ideas clear.

× Certainly, according to my opinion, people should try as many different things as they can as it gives them the exposure and also the experience of the new activities and they can also learn about which is the best thing for them to pursue their career or to pursue a hobby.

✓ Certainly, in my opinion, people should try as many different things as they can because this gives them exposure to and experience with new activities, and they can also learn which activities are best for them to pursue as a career or hobby.

The nouns exposure, experience, and activities are being used in a general sense, so they do not need the definite article the. The phrase new activities is more natural than the new activities when referring to activities in general.

× Certainly, according to my opinion, people should try as many different things as they can as it gives them the exposure and also the experience of the new activities and they can also learn about which is the best thing for them to pursue their career or to pursue a hobby.

✓ Certainly, in my opinion, people should try as many different things as they can because this gives them exposure to and experience with new activities, and they can also learn which activities are best for them to pursue as a career or hobby.

The clause learn about which is the best thing is incorrectly structured. Use learn which activities are best instead. The revised sentence also uses clearer coordination and avoids repeating to pursue.