Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is clear, relevant, and well developed, with a specific example and useful details about what you learned. However, “this happened where I was in elementary school” is unnatural; say “this happened when I was in elementary school.” Also, avoid hesitation such as “Uh,” and make the time expression more natural, for example, “from the age of seven to ten.” You could improve coherence by using a linking phrase such as “As a result.”

예시: Yes, I did. When I was in elementary school, I joined the Scouts from the age of seven to ten. We learned practical skills such as camping and first aid, and I also developed a strong sense of teamwork. As a result, I became more independent and confident.

제안: You give a clear opinion and a reason, but the answer contains repeated words and several unnatural phrases. Replace “open the opportunities to know themselves, best potential and exploit them” with “help people discover their strengths and make the most of their potential.” Avoid hesitations such as “uh” and the repetition of “should.” Add one specific example or result to develop the answer more fully, while keeping it to no more than five sentences.

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because this helps them discover their interests and strengths. For example, someone who tries volunteering, sports, or creative classes may find a talent they did not know they had. It also makes people more adaptable and confident when they face new situations.

× Uh, this happened where I was in elementary school, maybe around 7 to 10 years old.

✓ Uh, this happened when I was in elementary school, when I was around 7 to 10 years old.

When is used to introduce a time clause, while where is used to refer to a place. Use when to describe the time at which the activities happened.

× Yes, I believe, uh, that people should, should try as many different things as they can because, uh, they will open the opportunities to know themselves, uh, best potential and exploit them.

✓ Yes, I believe that people should try as many different things as they can because doing so can help them discover their potential and make the most of it.

The original sentence has an unclear and incomplete structure after because. The phrase open the opportunities to know themselves, best potential is not grammatically organized. Use a clear structure such as can help them discover their potential. The repeated should is a speech disfluency and should be omitted.

× Yes, I believe, uh, that people should, should try as many different things as they can because, uh, they will open the opportunities to know themselves, uh, best potential and exploit them.

✓ Yes, I believe that people should try as many different things as they can because doing so can help them discover their potential and make the most of it.

The pronoun themselves does not correctly express the intended meaning. People can discover their potential, so their is needed to show possession. The pronoun it refers to potential, which is singular and uncountable, so it is appropriate in the final clause.