Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question directly and finish your final idea. Avoid repetition such as “got many chances” and “got an opportunity,” and use the natural phrase “take part in an English-speaking contest” instead of “take part in a speaking in English.” You should also provide one or two specific details, such as what you did in the contest, how you felt, or what you learned. Use linking words such as “For example” and “As a result” to make the answer more coherent.

예시: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, when I was in sixth grade, I took part in an English-speaking contest at school. I was quite nervous at first, but I enjoyed preparing my speech and became more confident as a result. It remains one of my most memorable childhood experiences.

제안: State your opinion clearly at the beginning and avoid fillers and repeated words such as “they think they” and “a lot of things.” Correct the grammar in “it’s kinda depends” to “it depends,” and replace “choose joy in everything” and “feel outraged,” which are unclear in this context, with “take on too many activities” and “feel overwhelmed or stressed.” Your answer should give a balanced explanation: people can try different activities, but they should consider their abilities, interests, and available time. Use a clearer contrast with “However” or “On the other hand.”

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities, but they should not overload themselves. Trying new things can help them discover their interests and gain valuable experience. However, if they take on too many activities at once, they may feel overwhelmed and unable to do any of them well. Therefore, it is best to choose activities that match their abilities and interests.

× I got many chances to partake in a lot of new activities when I was younger. So one time I got an opportunity to take part in an English-speaking contest when I was at grade 6.

✓ I got many chances to take part in a lot of new activities when I was younger. One time, I got an opportunity to take part in an English-speaking contest when I was in Grade 6.

Use in, not at, with a school grade. We say in Grade 6 because a grade is treated as a period or level of study. The phrase take part in is also the more natural expression for participating in an activity.

× I got an opportunity to take part in a speaking in English, in an English speaking contest.

✓ I got an opportunity to take part in an English-speaking contest.

Use the article an before English-speaking because the adjective begins with a vowel sound. The original phrase a speaking in English is not a correct noun phrase. English-speaking should be used as a compound adjective before contest.

× That experience was the most memorable and.

✓ That experience was the most memorable one.

The original sentence ends with and, so it is incomplete. The adjective memorable needs a noun or pronoun after it in this structure. One replaces experience and completes the sentence.

× I think it's kinda depends on their abilities and their like the success rate of that.

✓ I think it kind of depends on their abilities and the likely success of those activities.

The subject is it, so the verb should be depends. Do not use the contraction it is before depends. The correct structure is it kind of depends. Also, likely is the adjective needed before success.

× I think it's kinda depends on their abilities and their like the success rate of that.

✓ I think it kind of depends on their abilities and the likely success of those activities.

The original sentence contains the unnecessary sequence their like, which makes the sentence structure unclear. Use a parallel structure: depends on their abilities and the likely success of those activities. Avoid using like as an unnecessary filler inside the noun phrase.

× If they think they they can do a lot of things and try a lot of new things, I think they should participate in that so they can gain more experiences.

✓ If they think they can do a lot of things and try a lot of new things, I think they should participate in them so they can gain more experience.

The pronoun they is repeated accidentally and should appear only once. Because things is plural, use them rather than that. Experience is generally uncountable when referring to knowledge gained from activities, so more experience is more natural than more experiences here.

× While in contrast if they choose joy in everything they can easily feel overwhelmed and outraged.

✓ In contrast, if they choose to take part in everything, they can easily feel overwhelmed and frustrated.

While and in contrast should not be combined in this sentence because both introduce a contrast. Use In contrast as a separate transition. A comma should follow the introductory phrase and the if-clause. The revised sentence also uses a complete verb phrase after choose.