Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question directly with a clear topic sentence, then separate your examples into shorter sentences. Avoid repeating “participate” and correct unclear expressions such as “get strewed out,” which should be “stand out.” Also, explain what the drawing competitions involved instead of mentioning “elementary and intermediate exams,” which is unclear in this context. Use linking words such as “In addition” and “As a result” to improve coherence.

예시: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I took part in drawing competitions at elementary and intermediate school. I also joined skating competitions, which helped me develop my skills and stand out among my classmates.

제안: Give your opinion more naturally by saying “try as many different activities as possible,” rather than “try as many as activities as they can.” Avoid repeating “it helps us” and use more precise expressions, such as “develop our personalities,” “build a social network,” and “relieve stress.” Break the long sentence into two or three sentences and add a specific example to make your answer more effective.

예시: Yes, I think people should try as many different activities as possible. This can help them develop their personalities, meet new people, and discover new interests. For example, someone who joins a sports club may develop a hobby while also making friends and relieving stress from their daily routine.

× I used to participate in the competition like elementary and intermediate exams.

✓ I used to participate in competitions such as elementary- and intermediate-level exams.

The student is referring to more than one competition, so the plural noun competitions is needed instead of the singular noun competition. Also, such as introduces examples more naturally than like in this formal context.

× I used to participate in the competition like elementary and intermediate exams then I used to skate participating in many skating competitions helped me to get strewed out among the different children of my age.

✓ I used to participate in competitions such as elementary- and intermediate-level exams. I also used to skate, and participating in many skating competitions helped me stand out among other children my age.

The original sentence joins several complete ideas without appropriate punctuation or conjunctions, making it difficult to follow. Separate the ideas into complete sentences and use and to connect the final two related clauses. The phrase stand out is also the appropriate expression for being noticed as different or better than others.

× I used to participate in the competition like elementary and intermediate exams then I used to skate participating in many skating competitions helped me to get strewed out among the different children of my age.

✓ I used to participate in competitions such as elementary- and intermediate-level exams. I also used to skate, and participating in many skating competitions helped me stand out among other children my age.

The expression children of my age is not the natural prepositional pattern in English. Use children my age or children of the same age instead. Here, among other children my age is the clearest choice.

× I personally feel people should try as many as activities as they can.

✓ I personally feel that people should try as many activities as they can.

The correct quantifier pattern is as many + plural countable noun + as. Therefore, as many activities as they can is correct. The extra as before activities must be removed.

× It also helps us to develop our interests into the hobbies or it helps us to get relaxed from our daily routine.

✓ It also helps us develop our interests into hobbies, and it helps us relax from our daily routine.

Hobbies is used in a general sense, so it does not need the definite article the. The article is removed before the plural noun hobbies. The two related ideas are also connected with and for a clearer sentence.