Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question directly and organize your ideas into clear sentences. Avoid redundant phrases such as “when I was a child back then” and “competitions.” Use the past tense consistently: “I won gold medals,” not “I got gold medals into the competitions.” Also, replace unnatural expressions such as “I stood among people” and “I had a great networking” with “I stood out from my peers” and “I made many friends.” Finish the final sentence and use a linking word such as “In addition” to connect the activities.

예시: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I attended skating classes, and my grandfather often took me to competitions, where I won a few gold medals. I also joined drawing classes during my summer vacations. These activities helped me become more confident and make friends.

제안: Give your opinion in a natural way, for example, “Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities.” Avoid repeating “many different things” and “as many as possible.” Improve grammar by saying “we learn new skills,” “we expand our social networks,” “we develop our personalities,” and “we can stand out.” Add one specific example or result to make your answer more developed and convincing.

예시: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities, especially when they are young. By doing so, they can discover new interests, learn useful skills, and meet people from different backgrounds. For instance, joining a sports club can improve both their fitness and their teamwork. As a result, they may become more confident and well-rounded.

× Yes, when I was a child back then I had many opportunities like I used to go to skating classes there my grandfather used to take me for the various skating competitions when I got gold medals into the competitions.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, I had many opportunities. For example, I used to go to skating classes, and my grandfather used to take me to various skating competitions.

The original sentence contains several clauses joined without proper punctuation or conjunctions, creating a run-on sentence. Separate the main ideas into complete sentences and use conjunctions such as and where necessary.

× When I got gold medals into the competitions.

✓ When I received gold medals in the competitions.

The preposition into indicates movement from one place to another. The preposition in is used to describe participation or achievement within competitions.

× I had a great networking.

✓ I had great networking opportunities.

Networking is generally an uncountable activity, so it is not normally used with the article a. The phrase great networking opportunities is a natural way to describe opportunities to meet and connect with people.

× Then I also used to go for drawing classes every summer vacations.

✓ Then I also used to go to drawing classes every summer vacation.

The determiner every is followed by a singular countable noun. Therefore, use every summer vacation, not every summer vacations. Also, go to is the standard preposition used with classes.

× These activities

✓ These activities helped me develop my skills.

These activities is only a noun phrase and does not contain a verb, so it is not a complete sentence. Add a verb and a complete idea, such as helped me develop my skills.

× Yes, I feel the people should try many different things as many as possible.

✓ Yes, I feel that people should try many different things as many as possible.

The definite article the is not used before people when referring to people in general. Use people without the. The word that also helps introduce the clause after I feel.

× People should try many different things as many as possible.

✓ People should try as many different things as possible.

The correct fixed structure is as many + plural countable noun + as possible. Therefore, as many different things as possible is the correct word order.

× We make our personality strong.

✓ We make our personalities stronger.

When we refers to multiple people, each person generally has an individual personality, so the plural form personalities is more appropriate. The comparative adjective stronger also clearly expresses development or improvement.

× So that we can stood out among people.

✓ So that we can stand out among people.

A modal verb such as can must be followed by the base form of a verb. Therefore, use stand, not the past-tense form stood.