Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question directly using the past tense: say that you had few opportunities, and then explain why. Avoid unfinished sentences, repeated words such as “when when,” and incorrect phrases such as “in the same time” and “at work in the farm.” Use “at the same time,” “on the farm,” and “I helped them with cooking.” Add one specific example of an activity you would have liked to try. Keep the answer to no more than five complete sentences.

예시: Honestly, I had very few opportunities to try new activities as a child. I was busy with school, and I was also quite shy. At the same time, my parents worked on a farm, so I often helped them with cooking and other household chores. I would have liked to try a team sport, such as basketball, but I didn’t have much free time.

제안: Give a clearer opinion in the topic sentence and support it with a reason or example. Use “It depends on the person” rather than “It depends on people,” and avoid “the different things what make them happy”; say “different activities that make them happy.” Connect your contrasting ideas with linking words such as “while,” “however,” or “for example.” You could also mention that trying new things can help people discover their interests, but people should not feel pressured to do too much.

예시: I think people should try different things, but they don’t have to try everything. For example, new activities can help them discover their interests and develop useful skills. However, some people prefer familiar routines because they feel more comfortable and relaxed that way. Therefore, people should choose activities that suit their personality and make them happy.

× I'm very busy at school and I was very shy when when I was young and in the same time my parents were very busy at work in the farm, I helping them cooking and.

✓ I was very busy at school, and I was very shy when I was young. At the same time, my parents were very busy working on the farm, so I helped them cook.

The answer describes the student's childhood, so the past tense is required. Change I'm to I was and I helping to I helped. When discussing past experiences, keep the verbs consistently in the past tense.

× I'm very busy at school and I was very shy when when I was young and in the same time my parents were very busy at work in the farm, I helping them cooking and.

✓ I was very busy at school, and I was very shy when I was young. At the same time, my parents were very busy working on the farm, so I helped them cook.

The correct expression is at the same time, not in the same time. We also say work on a farm rather than work in a farm. Learn common preposition combinations as fixed expressions.

× I'm very busy at school and I was very shy when when I was young and in the same time my parents were very busy at work in the farm, I helping them cooking and.

✓ I was very busy at school, and I was very shy when I was young. At the same time, my parents were very busy working on the farm, so I helped them cook.

The original sentence is a run-on sentence and ends with the incomplete phrase cooking and. Divide the ideas into complete sentences and use so to show the result. Before finishing, check that every sentence has a clear subject and a complete verb phrase.

× Some people like to do the same things every day, Some people like to try the different things what make them happy.

✓ Some people like to do the same things every day, while others like to try different things that make them happy.

The plural noun phrase different things is used generally, so it does not need the definite article the. Use the for specific things that have already been identified. For general plural nouns, no article is usually needed.

× Some people like to do the same things every day, Some people like to try the different things what make them happy.

✓ Some people like to do the same things every day, while others like to try different things that make them happy.

What cannot normally be used as a relative pronoun directly after a noun in this structure. Use that or which to introduce a clause describing things. The phrase that make them happy correctly means the things make them happy.

× Some people like to do the same things every day, Some people like to try the different things what make them happy.

✓ Some people like to do the same things every day, while others like to try different things that make them happy.

Two complete ideas were joined only with a comma, creating a comma splice. Use a conjunction such as while to connect the contrasting ideas, and use others to avoid repeating Some people. This makes the comparison clearer and produces one grammatically complete sentence.