Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct minor hesitations and repetitions. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce fillers like “umm” and avoid repeating words. Also correct grammar (use past continuous or simple past consistently) and provide a brief example to make the answer more specific.

예시: Not really. I was quite shy as a child and my parents were often busy, so I usually spent my spare time doing homework and playing quietly with a neighbor. For example, after school I would complete assignments first and then play board games with my neighbor for an hour.

제안: Organize the response: give a clear opinion first, then support it with reasons and a brief example. Use linking words (however, because, for example) to connect ideas. Improve grammar (e.g., “it makes me find new skills” → “it helps me discover new skills”) and avoid vague phrases like “do a different thing.” Be specific about benefits and limit to 2–3 sentences total.

예시: I think people should try different things, but it depends on the individual. Trying new activities helps you discover hidden talents and keeps life interesting; for example, learning photography taught me a new way to express myself and meet new people.

× No, I was quite shy when I was a child and my parents were very busy. So I I spent my, umm, most of my spare time doing my homework, playing with my neighbor.

✓ No, I was quite shy when I was a child and my parents were very busy, so I spent most of my spare time doing my homework and playing with my neighbor.

The sentence had a repeated subject 'I I' and an unnecessary comma in 'my, umm, most'. Also 'So' started a new sentence resulting in awkward punctuation and coordination. Combine clauses with a comma and use 'and' to connect activities. Remove filler words and duplicate pronouns. This fixes pronoun repetition and improves sentence structure (use of conjunction) and fluency.

× Honestly, it depends on people. Some people like to do the new thing and some people like to do a different thing.

✓ Honestly, it depends on the person. Some people like to try new things, and others prefer different activities.

'Depends on people' is acceptable but 'depends on the person' is more idiomatic. 'Like to do the new thing' is awkward and uses singular 'thing'; use 'try new things' or 'different activities' with plural to match general meaning. Also use 'others' to avoid repetition. This corrects awkward noun number and improves verb phrase usage ('like to try' vs 'like to do').

× It's more interesting to do a different thing.

✓ Trying different things is more interesting.

The original phrase 'do a different thing' is awkward and unnatural. Recasting the idea with a gerund phrase 'Trying different things' produces a natural subject and corrects word order. This addresses sentence structure and makes the statement concise.

× For me, it's make me find a new skill and life more interesting.

✓ For me, it helps me discover new skills and makes life more interesting.

The original 'it's make me' is ungrammatical: incorrect verb form and missing agreement. Use 'helps me discover' or 'it helps me find' and coordinate with 'and makes life more interesting' to provide correct tense and subject-verb agreement. This fixes verb form, subject-verb agreement, and overall sentence structure.