Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organize your answer: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples with brief details and use linking words. Avoid filler words (e.g. 'yeah') and repetition. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g. 'playing, tennis, playing golf' → 'playing tennis, golf').

예시: Yes. I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I learned to play the piano with a private tutor for three years, which remains a fond memory, and I also played tennis and golf at school. These experiences helped me build confidence and discover my interests.

제안: Answer directly, then give a clear reason and one specific example. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore) and correct grammar (e.g. 'try different activities', 'get closer to other people', 'play sports such as basketball'). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Yes, I think people should try different activities because it helps them meet others and learn new skills. For example, joining a basketball team can build teamwork and friendships, and trying hobbies like cooking or photography can help you discover new passions.

× Yes, as I remember now, I had many activities such as playing, tennis, playing golf and even yeah learning piano.

✓ Yes, as I remember, I did many activities such as playing tennis, playing golf and even learning the piano.

The sentence mixes gerunds and noun phrases awkwardly and uses 'had many activities' which is unnatural. Use 'did' with 'activities' or use gerunds consistently (playing tennis, playing golf, learning the piano). Also include the definite article 'the' with 'piano' when referring to the instrument. Remove filler 'yeah' for formality. Suggestion: Use parallel structure for lists of activities and include 'the' before musical instruments.'

× Especially I love piano with my tutor it's one of the memorable scenes when I was a young kid.

✓ I especially loved playing the piano with my tutor; it is one of my most memorable experiences from childhood.

Problems: word order ('Especially I' is awkward), tense mismatch (describing past event should use past tense 'loved'), missing article before 'piano', run-on sentence lacking proper punctuation, and inappropriate noun 'scenes' for memories. Use 'especially' before the verb, 'the piano', and 'memorable experiences' for clarity. Ensure tense consistency and proper sentence boundaries.'

× When we try to different activities in our life, it is one of the best ways to make more friendship and even close to other people I especially recommend people to do play athletics such as basketball

✓ When we try different activities in life, it is one of the best ways to make more friends and become closer to other people. I especially recommend that people play sports such as basketball.

Problems: incorrect infinitive use 'try to different activities' should be 'try different activities'; 'make more friendship' is uncountable/incorrect—use 'make more friends'; 'even close to other people' needs verb 'become closer to other people'; run-on sentence lacking punctuation. 'Do play athletics' is redundant; use 'play sports' or 'play athletics'. Also 'sports' is more natural than 'athletics' here. Use 'that' to introduce recommendation for clarity.'

× Especially I love piano with my tutor it's one of the memorable scenes when I was a young kid.

✓ I especially loved playing the piano with my tutor; it was one of my most memorable experiences when I was a young child.

Tense inconsistency: describing childhood events requires past tense ('loved', 'was'). Maintain past tense throughout the clause referring to childhood. Also replace 'scenes' with 'experiences' for appropriate meaning and add 'the' before 'piano'.'