Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more consistent in tense and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense (since you are talking about childhood), give 1–2 specific examples, and use linking words to connect ideas. Keep it concise (no more than 4–5 sentences) and correct grammar (articles, plural forms, word order).

예시: Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. At school I joined sports teams and a dance club, which helped me become more confident and fit. Also, my family encouraged hobbies like painting and gardening, so I often tried different things at home as well.

제안: Give a clear opinion with one or two concrete reasons linked by connectors. Use correct collocations (e.g., "a wide variety of activities," "help them in their future careers") and avoid vague phrases. Limit to 3–4 sentences and include specific benefits or an example.

예시: Yes, I think people should try a wide variety of activities because it helps them discover their strengths and interests. For example, learning public speaking or teamwork through clubs can improve communication skills, which are useful in many careers.

× Yes, definitely I I will have a opportunity to take a part in new activity in my school as well as in my family.

✓ Yes, definitely I had opportunities to take part in new activities at my school and with my family.

Original sentence has multiple issues: wrong tense ('will have' should be past 'had' to match 'as a child' question), duplicated word ('I I'), article error ('a opportunity' should be 'opportunities' or 'an opportunity'), preposition and phrasing ('take a part in new activity' should be 'take part in new activities'), and preposition choice ('in my family' -> 'with my family'). Suggestion: use past tense for childhood, remove duplicates, use plural 'opportunities' or correct article, and use 'take part in' and 'at/with' appropriately.

× In my school there were a lot of activity, for example sports, dance and extra curriculum activity.

✓ At my school there were a lot of activities, for example sports, dance, and extracurricular activities.

Issues: wrong preposition ('In my school' -> 'At my school' is more natural), singular/plural mismatch ('a lot of activity' -> 'a lot of activities'), word form and spacing ('extra curriculum' should be 'extracurricular'), and parallelism (list items should be plural to match 'activities'). Suggestion: use 'a lot of activities' and correct compound adjective 'extracurricular'.

× In my family there were a lot of hobbies of.

✓ In my family there were a lot of hobbies.

Issues: unnecessary preposition 'of' at end; sentence structure awkward. Remove 'of' to make a complete noun phrase. Suggestion: say 'there were a lot of hobbies' or specify 'many family members had hobbies' for clarity.

× Yes, sure, people can do a plenty of activity because they can learn a different varieties of things, information about various kind of things that may help the in the further career.

✓ Yes, people should try plenty of activities because they can learn different kinds of things and information that may help them in their future careers.

Multiple issues: modal verb and word choice ('can do' -> 'should try' fits recommendation question), quantifier and number agreement ('a plenty of activity' -> 'plenty of activities'), adjective/noun agreement and article issues ('a different varieties' incorrect; use 'different kinds' or 'different varieties'), incorrect noun phrase order ('various kind of things' -> 'various kinds of things'), pronoun error ('help the in the further career' -> 'help them in their future careers'). Suggestion: use 'plenty of activities', 'different kinds of things', and correct pronouns and plural 'careers'.