Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Focus on grammatical accuracy, conciseness and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and give one or two specific examples (with brief details) using linking words. Correct verb tenses and subject-verb agreement (e.g., “I had” not “I have”), and remove contradictory phrases (e.g., don’t say both that parents did and did not allow something without clarifying who you mean).

예시: Yes—I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, I joined the school football team for three years and took weekly swimming lessons, which helped me become more confident and fit. However, my parents were stricter about cultural activities, so I only attended a couple of music workshops. Overall, these experiences helped me enjoy teamwork and learn new skills.

제안: Give a direct opinion sentence followed by two clear reasons with linking words. Reduce hesitation and filler words, correct grammar (e.g., “try different things,” “taking risks”), and use varied vocabulary to explain benefits and possible downsides. Provide a short example to make your point specific.

예시: Yes, I think people should try different things because it creates new opportunities and helps them learn quickly. For instance, trying an internship in another field can reveal a new career path, and learning a new hobby can relieve stress. Of course, people should weigh risks carefully, but overall experimenting with different experiences usually pays off.

× Definitely, when I was a child, I have a lot of opportunities to participate in any activities, activities such as physical activities and sports activities and cultural activities.

✓ Definitely, when I was a child, I had a lot of opportunities to participate in various activities, such as physical activities, sports, and cultural events.

The sentence mixes past time reference 'when I was a child' with present tense 'have'. Use past tense 'had' for consistency. Also 'any activities' is unnatural here; 'various activities' is clearer. Combine repeated 'activities' and list items with commas for clarity.

× But my parents did not allow me to participate in any specially like cultures or sports.

✓ But my parents did not allow me to participate in certain activities, such as cultural events or some sports.

The original is ungrammatical and awkward. 'specially like cultures or sports' is incorrect word order and word choice. Use 'such as' to introduce examples and 'certain activities' to express restriction. Subject-verb agreement is fine but the phrase structure needed correction.

× But my family do allow me to participate in sports.

✓ But my family did allow me to participate in sports.

The rest of the statement refers to the past ('when I was a child'), so the verb should be past tense 'did allow'. Also, with 'family' as a collective noun in this context, 'did' is appropriate and 'do' is wrong for past narration.

× From my perspective, I would say definitely people have to try a different things as much as they can because it it it creates more opportunities.

✓ From my perspective, I would say people should definitely try as many different things as they can because it creates more opportunities.

Use modal 'should' to give advice, and 'have to' implies obligation. Also fix number agreement: 'a different things' is wrong; use 'as many different things'. Remove repeated filler 'it it it'. Place 'definitely' in a natural position.

× If people are taking risk in their personal or professional lives is going to be in the favour of their or maybe not, but taking a risk is a big thing.

✓ If people take risks in their personal or professional lives, it can work in their favour or not, but taking risks is a big decision.

The conditional should use simple present 'take' in the if-clause for a real condition, not continuous 'are taking'. Use plural 'risks' and correct clause structure with a comma. 'is going to be in the favour of their' is ungrammatical; use 'it can work in their favour'. 'Taking a risk is a big thing' is informal and unclear; 'a big decision' is clearer.