Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Clarify your ideas with a clear topic sentence and coherent supporting details. Keep answers natural and within 3–4 sentences. Use linking words (for example, 'because', 'however', 'also') correctly. Be specific about reasons (e.g., cultural expectations, financial limits, school access) and avoid fragmented or repeated phrases. Pronounce and form sentences more clearly so the listener can follow your meaning.

예시: As a child, I did not have many opportunities to try new activities. Because of cultural expectations for girls and my family's limited money, I stayed at home instead of joining clubs or sports. Also, I focused on going to school when I could, so there was little time for extra activities.

제안: Start with a clear opinion sentence and then support it with two specific reasons using linking words (for example, 'because', 'for example', 'however'). Keep to 2–4 sentences, use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'experience', 'opportunities', 'learn'), and avoid unclear fragments. Mention concrete benefits such as learning new skills or discovering interests and acknowledge practical limits like time or cost.

예시: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because it helps them learn new skills and discover what they enjoy. For example, trying a sport or a language can improve confidence and open new opportunities. However, people should balance this with their time and money so they do not become overwhelmed.

× I didn't have the opportunity because in my culture it's the girl it's not out the battery and also it's the mapp that didn't have money.

✓ I didn't have the opportunity because in my culture girls were not allowed to go out, and my family didn't have money.

The original sentence has multiple sentence structure problems and unclear phrases ('it's the girl it's not out the battery', 'mapp') that make meaning unclear. This fits 'Sentence structure errors' (ID 26). I corrected to a clear past-tense explanation matching the question about childhood opportunities: 'girls were not allowed to go out' and 'my family didn't have money.' Suggestion: separate ideas with conjunctions, use clear nouns ('girls', 'family'), and maintain consistent past tense for past situations.

× Also is the make, is the opportunity to go to school and learn and I'm

✓ Also, there was no opportunity for me to go to school and learn.

This fragment uses incorrect and missing pronouns and auxiliary verbs, making it incomplete. Classified as 'Incorrect use of pronouns' (ID 12) and sentence structure issue. I supplied 'there was no opportunity for me' to clearly express lack of opportunity in the past. Suggestion: include subject and auxiliary verbs ('there was', 'for me') and finish the sentence to be complete.

× In my opinion, I'm also trying the money different things taken.

✓ In my opinion, people should try many different things.

The original is ungrammatical and confusing ('I'm also trying the money different things taken'). This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). I changed it to a clear present-tense opinion appropriate for the question: 'people should try many different things.' Suggestion: use simple, clear verb phrases ('should try') and correct quantifiers ('many different things').

× Sometimes they account sometimes it not take any time because the time is over.

✓ Sometimes they take part, and sometimes they cannot because time runs out.

The original mixes ideas with incorrect words ('account' instead of 'take part', 'it not take any time', 'time is over') and lacks proper conjunction use. This fits 'Incorrect conjunction use' (ID 16) and lexical choice issues. I corrected to 'sometimes... and sometimes...' and used 'cannot' and 'time runs out' for clarity. Suggestion: use correct verbs for actions ('take part'), connect contrasting clauses with 'and' or 'but', and use natural time expressions ('time runs out').

× I like people feeling make or try different things on an

✓ I like seeing people make an effort to try different things.

This fragment is incomplete and ungrammatical ('feeling make or try', 'on an'). It is a sentence structure error (ID 26). I rewrote it to a clear present-tense statement expressing preference: 'I like seeing people make an effort to try different things.' Suggestion: use gerunds ('seeing') and fixed expressions ('make an effort') and finish the sentence for completeness.