Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and complete your story with a clear ending. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give two brief supporting details (what you did and how it felt or what happened). Use linking words (for example, “for example,” “as a result”) and avoid repeating words. Also correct small grammar mistakes (e.g., use past simple: “I performed ‘Jingle Bells’” and name the station properly or say “a local radio channel”).

예시: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, when I was four I entered a singing competition on a local radio channel and performed “Jingle Bells.” As a result, I won a small prize and felt very confident about performing in front of others.

제안: Your answer is clear and relevant, but shorten and organize it: begin with a direct opinion sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words (e.g., “because,” “for example,” “as a result”). Avoid repetitive phrases (“new opportunities,” “new experiences”) by choosing varied vocabulary. Add a brief personal or general example to make it more concrete.

예시: Yes, I think people should try many different things because it opens up new opportunities and broadens our perspectives. For example, learning a new hobby like photography can lead to creative projects and new friendships, so life becomes more interesting and fulfilling.

× So I had performed the Jingle Bell Christmas Carol and they had

✓ So I performed the Jingle Bells Christmas carol and they

The original uses past perfect 'had performed' and 'had' without a clear reference point; simple past 'performed' is appropriate because the examiner asks about a past event with no earlier past reference. Also 'Jingle Bell' should be 'Jingle Bells' and 'Christmas carol' fits after the title; 'they had' is left unfinished but likely intended as 'they' (e.g., awarded me) — keep 'they' as present but grammatically continue the simple past if completing the sentence. Suggestion: use simple past for single past events and complete the clause, e.g., 'and they gave me a prize.'

× When I was four years old there was a radio show on the channel radio merchi and there it was a competition to sing a Christmas carol to win presents.

✓ When I was four years old, there was a radio show on the channel Radio Merchi, and there was a competition to sing a Christmas carol to win presents.

Proper nouns need capitalization: 'Radio Merchi'. The sentence had awkward word order 'and there it was a competition'; corrected to 'and there was a competition' for natural word order. Also add a comma after the time clause for clarity. No change in tense; simple past 'was' is correct for a past event.

× This makes life more lively and colorful.

✓ This makes life livelier and more colorful.

Comparative form 'livelier' is more idiomatic than 'more lively'. Also parallel structure prefers 'livelier and more colorful' rather than mixing 'more' with the base adjective. Keep present simple 'makes' because the sentence describes a general truth.

× Yes, people should always try as many different things as they can because it introduces us to new opportunities and brings new experiences to our life and gives us new stories to tell and inspire people around us.

✓ Yes, people should always try as many different things as they can because it introduces us to new opportunities, brings new experiences into our lives, gives us new stories to tell, and inspires people around us.

The original sentence is a run-on with inconsistent verb forms and singular/plural mismatches: 'introduces us' is singular but acceptable with 'it' as the idea; maintain parallel verbs by using commas and consistent verb forms: 'introduces', 'brings', 'gives', 'inspires'. Change 'to our life' to 'into our lives' for correct preposition and plural 'lives' to match 'people'. Use commas to separate coordinated verbs for clarity.