Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add one or two specific supporting details (when, where, what role or achievement). Use linking words to connect ideas. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Yes. As a child I had the chance to play soccer; I joined a local weekend team when I was eight and trained there for several years. Because I wanted to become a professional player, I practiced twice a week and played in youth tournaments, which helped me improve my fitness and teamwork.

제안: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with clear reasons and an example. Remove filler words (um, you know) and avoid repetition. Use a linking phrase to connect opinion and reasons. Keep to 2–3 sentences and use specific vocabulary (benefits, broaden horizons, perspective).

예시: I think people should try a variety of activities because it broadens their horizons and helps them discover new interests. For example, learning a musical instrument or volunteering can change your perspective and even lead to new career opportunities.

× When I was so little, I had a I had an opportunity to play soccer because I used to I used to play soccer for years to be a professional soccer player.

✓ When I was little, I had the opportunity to play soccer because I used to play for years to become a professional soccer player.

Issues: repetition ('I had a I had', 'I used to I used to') and awkward article use ('an opportunity' -> 'the opportunity' is more natural here). Also 'to be a professional soccer player' is better expressed as 'to become a professional soccer player' to show intent. Suggestions: remove duplicate phrases, use 'the opportunity' for a specific chance, keep 'used to' once to indicate past habitual action, and use 'become' for purpose/goal.

× So I joined a soccer team on the weekend.

✓ So I joined a soccer team on weekends.

'On the weekend' is acceptable in American English but here 'on weekends' better matches 'used to play for years' and habitual action. No verb tense change needed. Also ensure consistency: if describing regular weekend activity, plural 'weekends' is clearer.

× Um, it's not necessary but trying new different things it can you can provide you with different interests and you might get new perspective from them.

✓ Um, it's not necessary, but trying different new things can provide you with new interests and give you new perspectives.

Problems: redundant words ('new different things'), extra pronouns and auxiliary placement ('it can you can'), and singular/plural mismatch ('new perspective' -> 'new perspectives'). Correct by removing redundancy, placing modal 'can' before verb 'provide', and using plural 'perspectives' for variety. Also streamline pronouns: 'give you new perspectives' is more natural than 'you might get new perspective from them.'