Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organized. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and phrasing (e.g., “I had opportunities to try new activities”) and avoid repetition. Also clarify what “open and explorable” means with a concrete example.

예시: Yes, I did. As a child I had chances to try activities like swimming and bicycling with my younger brother in our village. Because the village had wide fields and a small river, it was safe and easy for us to explore new things, which helped me overcome shyness.

제안: Give a direct opinion followed by clear reasons. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore, moreover) and finish your thought—avoid trailing off. Provide one specific consequence of trying many things, such as discovering interests or building skills, and keep to two to three sentences.

예시: Yes, I believe people should try many different things because it helps them discover their interests and potential career paths. For example, trying different clubs or hobbies can reveal a passion for teaching or design, and it also builds practical skills and confidence.

× Yes Yes, yes I did when I was shy I have to try like swimming or bicycling in my own village with my younger brother and it's very open and explorable what it has or the environment.

✓ Yes, I did. When I was young and shy, I had to try things like swimming or bicycling in my village with my younger brother. The place was open and easy to explore.

Multiple tense and aspect problems: the original mixes past ('I did', 'when I was shy') with present 'I have to try' incorrectly. Use past simple 'had to try' to match 'when I was young'. Also 'shy' is better as a description of the speaker's younger self, so 'young and shy'. 'Like' should introduce examples 'things like swimming or bicycling'. 'In my own village' is more natural as 'in my village'. 'It's very open and explorable what it has or the environment' is ungrammatical and awkward; rewrite as 'The place was open and easy to explore.' Suggestions: keep tense consistent (use past for past experiences), split long sentence into shorter clear sentences, replace informal phrasing with natural collocations ('easy to explore').

× I think so because we show you how you're exactly passionate about the future or your future job is based on the activity or just playground zone and the activity is part of the

✓ I think so because activities can show what you are passionate about and may help you decide on a future job; playing in different areas can be part of that exploration.

The original uses awkward verb forms and mixes pronouns and structures. 'We show you how you're exactly passionate' is incorrect; 'activities can show what you are passionate about' is a correct present-tense general statement. 'Your future job is based on the activity' is better expressed as 'may help you decide on a future job' to indicate possibility. 'Playground zone' is non-native; 'playing in different areas' is clearer. Suggestions: use simple present for general truths, avoid inserting 'you' twice in the sentence, and complete the sentence rather than leaving it unfinished.