Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 内容は良いが、構造や文法、明瞭さを改善する必要があります。まず、主題文で直接答えを示し（肯定なら“Yes, I did.”など）、その後で具体的な経験（近所のニュージーランド人が文化や英語を教えてくれたこと）を時系列や因果でつなげて説明してください。冗長な語句（“that may be that maybe”など）や文法ミス（不必要な関係代名詞や時制のぶれ）を避け、リンク語（because, so, which, thereforeなど）を用いて論理的に結び付けましょう。例を示す際は短く明確にし、文の数は最大5文に収めてください。

예시: Yes, I did. When I was young I had a neighbor from New Zealand who taught me about her culture, including Halloween and Easter, and helped me practice English. Because of her, I became more interested in learning English and now I hope to study or work abroad in the future.

제안: 答えは明確だが、流暢さと語順、接続表現を改善してください。冒頭でトピック文（“Yes, people should try new things.”）を述べ、その後に理由を2つ程度に絞って、接続詞（because, as a result, for example）でつなぎます。繰り返しや不自然なフレーズ（“learn try”, “we can use get”など）を避け、具体例を短く添えると説得力が増します。文の長さは5文以内に収め、語彙は文脈に合った表現を使いましょう。

예시: Yes, people should try new things. Trying different activities helps you gain new perspectives and useful skills. For example, learning a sport or a language can improve your confidence and open up more opportunities in your career.

× Yes, when I was young I had a neighbor from New Zealand and who told me about her culture such as Halloween and Easter and also she told me English as well and that may be that maybe study English right now and try to work in other country.

✓ Yes. When I was young I had a neighbor from New Zealand who told me about her culture, such as Halloween and Easter. She also taught me English, which may be why I am studying English now and trying to work in another country.

The sentence contains several pronoun and clause issues: 'and who told me' is redundant after 'neighbor' so the relative pronoun should directly follow the noun without 'and'. 'She told me English' is incorrect; 'teach' is the correct verb and requires an object: 'taught me English'. 'That may be that maybe study English right now' has missing subjects and incorrect tense; it needs 'which may be why I am studying English now'. 'In other country' needs the article 'another' or 'an' and the preposition 'in' is awkward; 'in another country' is natural. Suggestions: remove unnecessary conjunctions, use correct verb (teach/taught), include necessary subjects, and use appropriate relative clause structure and articles.

× Yes people should learn try new things positively because if we if we do that we can learn new perspectives we can use get new skills and broaden our future, for example.

✓ Yes. People should try new things with a positive attitude because if we do, we can gain new perspectives, acquire new skills, and broaden our future, for example.

The phrase 'learn try new things' mixes verbs incorrectly; use either 'learn to try' or simply 'try'. Using 'try new things' is clearer. 'Positively' is an adverb but collocationally 'with a positive attitude' or 'positively' after the verb is better. 'We can use get new skills' combines two verbs; choose one: 'gain' or 'acquire'. Also insert commas to separate clauses and use parallel verb forms in a list ('gain', 'acquire', 'broaden'). Suggestions: use correct gerund/infinitive forms, keep verbs parallel, and choose collocations like 'with a positive attitude'.