Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be clearer and more grammatical: start with a direct topic sentence, then add specific supporting details (where, who, how often, why it was memorable). Use linking words for coherence and avoid fillers like “yeah” and repetition. Keep the answer to no more than 4–5 sentences.

예시: Yes. As a child I often went fishing at the sea or nearby rivers with my family. We usually went on weekend mornings and spent several hours boating and fishing together, which helped me enjoy the outdoors. I remember these trips because they brought my family closer and taught me patience and how to fish.

제안: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with reasons and examples. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore) and avoid vague or repetitive phrases. Make sentences grammatical and concise, and stay within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Yes, I think people should try many different things because it helps them discover interests and grow. For example, trying a new hobby or job can reveal hidden talents and build confidence. Therefore, even if an activity feels unfamiliar at first, it is worth trying.

× When I was young child, I went to yeah somewhere such as sea or liver in order to enjoy fishing with my FA, with with my family.

✓ When I was a young child, I went to places such as the sea or the river to enjoy fishing with my family.

The sentence omits necessary articles: 'a' before 'young child' and 'the' before specific nouns like 'sea' and 'river' when referring to known types of places. 'Somewhere such as sea or liver' is also ungrammatical and likely meant 'places such as the sea or the river'. Remove filler words like 'yeah' and redundant phrases ('with my FA, with with my family') and use 'places' + infinitive 'to enjoy' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: use 'a' for singular countable noun ('a young child') and 'the' for specific natural locations ('the sea', 'the river').

× It was very memorable thing when as I remember now.

✓ It is a very memorable experience when I remember it now.

The original has word order and noun choice problems: 'memorable thing' is awkward — 'memorable experience' is natural. Tense and phrasing should match the present recollection: 'It is... when I remember it now' or better 'It is a very memorable experience to me.' Remove redundant words 'when as' and place pronoun 'it' after 'remember'. Use consistent tense and clearer noun choice.

× Well, many people always try to do something what they want to do.

✓ Well, many people always try to do what they want to do.

English uses the relative pronoun 'what' to mean 'the thing(s) that', but 'do something what' is incorrect. Either 'do something they want to do' or more concisely 'do what they want to do'. Remove the extra noun 'something' when using 'what'. The sentence is otherwise fine.

× So even they have not experienced anything at all until the they leave.

✓ So even if they have not experienced anything at all before they die.

This sentence has incorrect conjunction and awkward phrase 'until the they leave.' The intended meaning is likely 'before they die' or 'by the time they die'. Use 'even if' to introduce a hypothetical condition and replace 'leave' with 'die' for clarity (or 'leave this life'). Also remove the extra article 'the' before 'they'. Keep tense present perfect 'have not experienced' to indicate life experience up to now.

× They leave now.

✓ They will leave now. (If you mean they are leaving at this moment) OR They die now. (If you mean they die without experiences)

'They leave now' is ambiguous and likely ungrammatical in the intended meaning. If speaking about departing immediately, 'They will leave now' or 'They are leaving now' is better. If the intended meaning is dying without experiences, use 'They die now' is still odd; more natural is 'They die without having experienced anything' or 'They will die without having tried different things.' Choose the verb and tense to match intended meaning.