Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repetition and grammar errors (e.g., use past tense consistently, remove duplicated words). Also include a brief result or feeling to make the answer complete.

예시: Yes. At school I had many opportunities to join new activities. For example, I hosted our annual sports day and also competed in several races; I even won one of them. As a result, I felt more confident and enjoyed taking part in other events.

제안: Give a clear opinion first, then provide two concise, specific reasons using linking words (e.g., because, for example, moreover). Remove redundant phrases and improve word choice (e.g., 'boost morale' instead of 'boost their morale and even the confidence which they have').

예시: Absolutely. People should try different activities because it builds confidence and helps them discover new interests. For example, trying a new hobby can improve teamwork and creativity, and moreover it can inspire others to step out of their comfort zone.

× I still remember when I was studying in my school I got an I got many opportunities to take part in activities like in sports day I got an opportunity to even host it and even participate in some of race and even we win and even I win on that thing.

✓ I still remember that when I was at school I had many opportunities to take part in activities; for example, on Sports Day I had the chance to host the event and to participate in some races, and sometimes we won.

This sentence has multiple issues with structure, redundancy, tense consistency, and word choice. The original repeats phrases ('I got an I got', 'even') and mixes present and past forms ('we win', 'I win') which is inappropriate for a recollection. Use a cohesive past narrative: 'I still remember that when I was at school' sets the past context, 'had' is the past of 'have', 'chance' is a better collocation than repeated 'opportunity', and plural 'races' fits. Remove redundant 'even's and combine ideas with punctuation to improve clarity and fluency. Suggestion: keep verb tenses consistent (past) and avoid repeating words unnecessarily.

× Absolutely, in my perspective, people should try as many different types as they can because it can boost their morale and even the confidence which they have and even it motivates them to live a good future life and even and even it motivates others also by being themselves that they are doing different things to boost their work.

✓ Absolutely, in my view people should try as many different things as they can because it can boost their morale and confidence, motivate them to build a better future, and inspire others by showing that they are trying new activities.

This sentence is overly long, repetitive, and contains awkward phrasing ('in my perspective', 'different types', 'live a good future life', repeated 'even'). The corrected version uses clearer collocations: 'in my view', 'different things', 'boost morale and confidence', and 'inspire others'. It also breaks and orders ideas logically: benefits (morale and confidence), personal development (build a better future), and social effect (inspire others). To improve, avoid repeating fillers, choose precise nouns, and organize ideas with parallel structure.