Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is relevant and gives examples, but it contains hesitations, repetition and some disfluency. To improve, make a clear topic sentence, avoid repeated words, use linking words to list activities, and keep the response to 2–4 concise sentences. Add one specific detail (e.g., age or frequency) to make it more vivid.

예시: Yes, I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, my mother taught me dancing and my grandmother taught me to sing and play the piano and violin. Because I practiced almost every day from age seven to twelve, I became quite comfortable performing in front of others.

제안: The idea is clear, but grammar and word choice are weak and some phrases are awkward. Improve by stating a clear opinion first, then give two concise, logically linked reasons using correct vocabulary and simple sentences. Replace unclear phrases like "very less opportunist" with "have fewer opportunities" and avoid redundancy.

예시: Yes, I believe people should try many different things. First, exploring activities helps you discover your interests and strengths. Second, doing new things builds confidence and skills, which is important because adults often have fewer opportunities to experiment.

× I, my, my mother used to teach me dancing.

✓ My mother used to teach me dancing.

The student incorrectly repeated pronouns 'I, my, my' which is redundant and ungrammatical. Use a single subject pronoun or noun phrase. Here 'My mother used to teach me dancing' is concise and correct. Suggestion: avoid repeating pronouns and keep one clear subject.

× My grandmother used to teach me singing, playing piano, playing, uh, violin, et cetera.

✓ My grandmother used to teach me singing and how to play the piano and the violin.

The original sentence lists activities awkwardly and repeats 'playing' then hesitates. Also 'playing piano' needs the definite article 'the piano'. Rephrase to a parallel and complete list: use 'singing and how to play the piano and the violin'. Suggestion: maintain parallel structure and include articles with musical instruments.

× Yes, I think people should try as many different things as they can because after a certain age you may feel that you are very less opportunist.

✓ Yes, I think people should try as many different things as they can because after a certain age you may feel that you have fewer opportunities.

'Very less opportunist' is ungrammatical. The intended meaning is lack of opportunities. Use 'have fewer opportunities' to express a decrease in countable nouns. Also 'opportunist' is the wrong word (means someone who exploits situations). Suggestion: use 'opportunities' with comparative quantifier 'fewer'.

× So as much as opportunities you gain when you are a child or at any age, you need to grab those opportunities that will make help you make build your confidence.

✓ So the more opportunities you gain when you are a child or at any age, the more you should grab those opportunities because they will help you build your confidence.

The original sentence has incorrect word order ('as much as opportunities you gain'), redundant verbs ('make help you make build'), and awkward phrasing. Use comparative correlative structure 'the more... the more...' and correct verb sequence 'help you build'. Suggestion: simplify and avoid redundant verbs; use correct comparative constructions and verb collocations ('help someone do something').