Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve grammar, clarity and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and articles, and avoid redundancy. Use one or two supporting details with linking words and specific information (e.g., age, what the instrument is, what you learned). Keep answers under five sentences. For example, correct verb forms (“I had many opportunities”), replace unclear phrases (“kayakum” → “gayageum” if that’s intended), and clarify “run Korean” to the intended meaning (e.g., “learned about Korean music”).

예시: Yes. I had many opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, when I was in kindergarten I learned to play the gayageum, a traditional Korean zither. It was very interesting and rewarding because it helped me understand Korean music and culture better.

제안: Make a direct, concise opinion sentence, then give one clear reason with a linking word. Correct grammar (subject–verb agreement, articles, word choice) and avoid repetition. Use specific vocabulary (e.g., extroverted/introverted, prefer). Limit to up to five sentences and include a contrast phrase like “on the other hand.”

예시: I think it depends on personality. For example, extroverted people often enjoy trying new things because they like meeting people and seeking experiences, while introverted people may prefer familiar activities to feel comfortable. However, everyone can benefit from occasionally stepping out of their comfort zone to learn and grow.

× Yes, I had a lot of opportunity activities.

✓ Yes, I had a lot of opportunities to take part in activities.

The student used 'opportunity activities' which is incorrect collocation and missing plural/article. 'A lot of' should be followed by a plural noun 'opportunities' or 'many opportunities', and 'to take part in activities' clarifies the meaning. Improve by using correct collocation and plural form.

× For example, when I was a kindergarten I learned kayakum it's traditional instrument in Korea.

✓ For example, when I was in kindergarten I learned kayagum, which is a traditional instrument in Korea.

Missing preposition 'in' before 'kindergarten' and incorrect punctuation/relative clause. Also 'kayagum' (spelling) and 'which is a traditional instrument' needed to connect clauses. Use 'a' before 'traditional instrument'. Improve by adding 'in' and using a relative clause with an article.

× It was really interesting and I think it was really rewarding because I can could run Korean.

✓ It was really interesting, and I think it was very rewarding because I could learn Korean.

The sentence has multiple problems: awkward 'can could' (modal duplication), wrong verb 'run' instead of 'learn', and repetition 'really' twice. Use simple past modal 'could' to match past context and correct verb 'learn'. Improve by removing duplicate modals and using correct verb.

× I think it's depend on personality.

✓ I think it depends on personality.

Subject-verb agreement: 'it' with present simple requires third-person singular verb 'depends' (adds -s). Use 'depends' to match subject. Improve by remembering to add -s for he/she/it in present simple.

× For example, people who are more outgoing person, I think they try to new ding and new activity, but people who are introverted they do not prefer new activity.

✓ For example, people who are more outgoing tend to try new things and new activities, but introverted people do not prefer new activities.

Several issues: redundant 'more outgoing person' (mix of noun and adjective) should be 'people who are more outgoing' or 'more outgoing people'; awkward 'try to new ding' likely 'try new things'; 'they do not prefer new activity' needs plural 'activities' and simpler phrasing. Use 'tend to' for habitual tendency. Improve by removing redundancy, using correct collocations ('try new things'), and matching plurality.