Opportunities— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is relevant and gives specific examples, but you have minor repetition and a small phrasing error (“work when with others”). To improve, make your topic sentence clearer, correct the phrasing, avoid repeating words, and add one concise supporting detail using a linking word for coherence.

예시: Yes, I did. My parents encouraged me to try a range of activities, so I joined school events, competitions and a few extracurricular clubs. As a result, I became more confident and learned how to collaborate effectively with classmates, which helped me in later group projects.

제안: This answer is clear, well-structured and includes opinion plus qualification. To raise the score, remove fillers (e.g., “Uh”), tighten the ending by finishing the thought, and add a brief example or reason with a linking word to strengthen coherence.

예시: Yes, definitely. Trying different activities helps people discover interests and develop new skills. For example, by joining a drama club I improved public speaking and teamwork. However, people shouldn’t try everything at once; instead, they should explore a few options at a time so they can devote enough effort to each.

× I especially enjoyed competitions because they helped me become more confident and taught me how to work when with others, well, with others.

✓ I especially enjoyed competitions because they helped me become more confident and taught me how to work with others.

The phrase 'work when with others' contains an incorrect insertion 'when' that disrupts the verb phrase 'work with others'. This is a word-order/extra-word problem related to verb + -ing context (intent to express 'working with others'). Remove the extra word and repeat to make the sentence concise. Suggestion: keep the verb phrase as 'work with others' and avoid redundant repetitions.

× It can also make them more confident and open minded.

✓ It can also make them more confident and open-minded.

The phrase 'open minded' should be hyphenated when used as a compound adjective before a noun or after a linking verb in some style guides; here it describes 'them' following a linking verb, so 'open-minded' is the correct adjective form. Hyphenating clarifies the compound adjective. Suggestion: use 'open-minded' as a single adjective.

× However, I don't think people should try everything at once.

✓ However, I don't think people should try to do everything at once.

The original sentence is understandable but can be made clearer by inserting the verb 'to do' after 'try' to indicate the action being attempted. The structure 'try everything' is acceptable, but adding 'to do' clarifies the meaning and matches common collocation. Suggestion: include the verb after 'try' when specifying actions: 'try to do everything'.

× Uh, they should explore different opportunities while focusing.

✓ They should explore different opportunities while focusing on a few at a time.

The clause 'while focusing' is incomplete because 'focusing' requires an object (what to focus on). This is a sentence structure error: the participle phrase lacks its complement. Provide the object to complete the idea, for example 'focusing on a few at a time' to clarify how to explore and prioritize. Suggestion: always include the object of 'focus' or rephrase (e.g., 'while focusing on one or two things').