Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the response more concise and grammatically correct by starting with a clear topic sentence, then give two brief supporting reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and filler words like "um" and "you know."

예시: Yes, I often feel tired. Currently I am in my final year of college and I am taking many courses, and I also work as an intern in a financial advisory team, so balancing study and work leaves me frequently tired.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence describing the time you feel tired, then add a specific reason using linking words. Use correct tense and avoid repeating synonyms like "devastated" and "exhausted."

예시: I usually feel tired after dinner. Because I often eat carbohydrate-rich meals, I get drowsy and prefer to rest or take a short nap afterward.

제안: Start with a concise topic sentence, then list two specific activities with linking words to show coherence. Reduce fillers and correct collocations (e.g., 'lie back' not 'lay back').

예시: When I feel tired, I usually relax at home. For example, I often lie back and do some meditation, and I also like to read novels or watch TV shows with my parents to unwind.

제안: Respond directly with a clear topic sentence, then explain briefly why using linking words. Remove fluff and correct phrasing (e.g., 'introverted' alone is fine).

예시: No, I usually prefer to stay home when I'm tired. As an introvert, I find spending quiet time with my family more relaxing than going out with friends, because it helps me recharge.

× Umm, yes, I would say so because currently I was in, I am in my last year, uh, in my college.

✓ Umm, yes, I would say so because currently I am in my last year at college.

The sentence mixes past ('was') and present ('am') tense incorrectly. Use present tense 'am' to describe current status. Also use the preposition 'at' or omit 'my' before college for natural phrasing. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and say 'I am in my last year at college.'

× So I do have a lot of courses that I need to attend to.

✓ So I do have a lot of courses that I need to attend.

The verb phrase 'attend to' is incorrect here; 'attend' (without 'to') is used for attending classes or courses. Remove the unnecessary 'to'.

× And on top of that, I still have an internship position in a financial advisory team.

✓ And on top of that, I still have an internship in a financial advisory team.

'Internship position' is wordy; 'internship' is sufficient. The tense is present and correct, but simplifying improves clarity. No tense change required.

× So yeah, I'm quite often, I'm quite feel tired from time to time.

✓ So yeah, I'm quite often tired; I feel tired from time to time.

'I'm quite feel' is ungrammatical: auxiliary 'am' cannot be followed directly by base verb 'feel' here. Use adjective 'tired' after 'am' or say 'I feel tired.' Also 'quite often' placement and repetition corrected for fluency.

× Well, I was there every time I ate my, I eat my dinner, after I ate my dinner, I would feel really exhausted and just devastated, uh, because after eating some of the carbohydrate, you'll feel, you know, tired, you want to sleep.

✓ Well, every time I eat my dinner, after I eat I feel really exhausted and just devastated, because after eating carbohydrates you feel tired and want to sleep.

This sentence mixes past ('was', 'ate', 'would') and second-person 'you'll' incorrectly. Use simple present 'eat' and 'feel' to describe habitual actions. Also use plural 'carbohydrates' and avoid shifting to 'you' unless making a general statement—here it's okay to use general 'you', but keep tense consistent.

× And that is the time that I feel really devastated and tired and exhausted.

✓ And that is the time when I feel really devastated, tired, and exhausted.

No major tense error but 'that is the time that' is more natural as 'time when'. Use commas for listing adjectives. This keeps present tense consistent describing habitual feeling.

× Well, to be honest, sometimes I just lay back, you know, do nothing and just, you know, do you know, do some meditation or read some novel books, you know, because I like, I'm a big, I'm a huge fan of reading.

✓ Well, to be honest, sometimes I just lie back, do nothing, meditate, or read novels, because I'm a huge fan of reading.

'Lay' is the transitive past/present of 'lay' and should be 'lie back' for reclining. 'Do some meditation' is wordy; 'meditate' is preferred. 'Novel books' is redundant—use 'novels'. Remove filler phrases for clarity.

× So, you know, I'll spend some time reading some novels that I like and watch some television shows with my parents.

✓ So I'll spend time reading novels I like and watching television shows with my parents.

Parallel structure requires 'reading' and 'watching' both in -ing form after 'spend time'. Also remove extra 'some' and 'you know' fillers.

× Uh, no, I think I'm a little bit introverted person, so I'd rather stay home and just, you know, spend some time with myself and with my family instead of going out and instead of going out with my, with my friends, umm, you know, so just keep me calm and give me a little bit peaceful like atmosphere.

✓ Uh, no, I think I'm a somewhat introverted person, so I'd rather stay home and spend time by myself and with my family instead of going out with friends; it keeps me calm and gives me a peaceful atmosphere.

Use 'somewhat' or 'a little' before 'introverted person'. 'Spend some time with myself' is unnatural; use 'by myself'. Remove repeated phrases 'instead of going out' and extra fillers. Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'it keeps' and 'gives'. 'Peaceful like atmosphere' is incorrect; use 'a peaceful atmosphere'.