Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Begin with a concise topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific reasons or examples. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "I do absolutely" + "I just feel tired every day"). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, "although", "however", "because").

예시: Yes, I often feel tired. Although I sleep for seven to nine hours each night, I still wake up feeling exhausted, possibly because my sleep is restless or I have an inconsistent routine. As a result, I usually struggle with low energy in the afternoons.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence stating the times you feel tired, then give specific timing and a possible reason. Reduce filler words like "um" and "I don't know why"; instead use a brief explanation phrase such as "probably because". Use linking words like "for example" or "especially" to clarify.

예시: I usually feel tired in the morning and again in the middle of the day, especially after lunch. This afternoon slump is probably due to a heavy meal or a dip in my circadian rhythm, so I often need a short rest around 2–3 pm.

제안: Answer directly with a simple topic sentence, then give one or two specific details. Avoid repetition and unclear phrasing (e.g., "because usually go to this I just I just"). Use linking words like "so" or "therefore" to show cause and effect, and mention alternatives if not at home.

예시: If I'm at home, I usually take a short nap on the sofa after lunch to recharge. If I'm out, I prefer a brief walk or a coffee to stay alert instead.

× Yes, I do absolutely.

✓ Yes, I absolutely do.

The adverb 'absolutely' should come before the auxiliary verb 'do' for natural emphasis: 'I absolutely do' rather than 'I do absolutely'. Reordering improves adverb placement and sentence flow.

× I don't know why I feel tired because I sleep for around seven to nine hours every day, but I just feel tired every day when I wake up or in the afternoon.

✓ I don't know why I feel tired because I sleep around seven to nine hours every day, but I still feel tired when I wake up or in the afternoon.

Use 'sleep around seven to nine hours' (omit 'for' before durations is acceptable and more natural here) and replace 'just' with 'still' to show contrast. This improves tense and adverb usage to match habitual present meaning.

× Um, I feel tired when I wake up and in the middle of the day I don't know why or maybe after lunch, I feel especially exhausted at that period.

✓ Um, I feel tired when I wake up and in the middle of the day. I don't know why; maybe after lunch I feel especially exhausted at that time.

Original is a run-on with unclear clauses. Split into two sentences and use 'that time' or 'that period' with proper punctuation. 'At that period' is awkward; 'at that time' is more natural. Adding punctuation clarifies sentence structure.

× I just go to have a nap if I'm at home and because usually go to this I just I just lie on the sofa after lunch and then I feel tired and start sleeping there.

✓ If I'm at home, I just take a nap. Usually I lie on the sofa after lunch and then I fall asleep there.

Original contains repetition, awkward phrasing and incorrect verb choice. 'Go to have a nap' is unnatural; use 'take a nap'. Remove redundant 'I just' repetitions and replace 'start sleeping there' with 'fall asleep there' to convey onset of sleep. Reordering clauses improves clarity.