Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I often feel tired), then give one specific reason and a brief contrast using a linking word. Avoid fillers and repetition.

예시: Yes, I often feel tired, especially after long shifts at work. For example, I feel much more exhausted on workdays because I stand and move a lot, whereas on my days off I can rest and recover.

제안: Clarify the sentence structure and provide specific details. Begin with a topic sentence that directly answers the question, then explain when and why, using linking words like 'because' or 'so'. Keep it to two or three clear sentences.

예시: I usually feel tired at the end of my shift because I work as a nurse in a dialysis unit. We often stand for long periods and monitor patients closely, so the shifts can be physically and mentally draining.

제안: Provide a clear, structured response: state one or two activities you do to relax, explain briefly why they help, and use linking words like 'so' or 'because'. Avoid vague phrasing and incorrect grammar.

예시: When I feel tired, I usually do painting because it helps me relax and distracts me from work. For instance, I spend an hour painting landscapes, which clears my mind and reduces stress.

× I feel tired when And since some of the nurse and work in a dialysis unit we usually go well and long for our patient to check our patient a bit so it's more diverse.

✓ I feel tired because some of the nurses and I work in a dialysis unit; we often work long shifts to care for our patients, so the work is varied.

The original sentence has multiple sentence structure problems: missing conjunctions, incorrect word order, missing plural form, and unclear clauses. I combined ideas into a clear complex sentence, changed 'nurse' to plural 'nurses', added 'I' for subject clarity, replaced 'go well and long' with 'work long shifts' to convey intended meaning, and used 'patients' plural. Suggestion: break complex ideas into shorter clauses, ensure subjects are explicit, and use correct plural forms.

× Yes, especially when I'm at work. And uh, it's, it's different when you're working in, when you're on a day off.

✓ Yes, especially when I'm at work. It's different when you're working compared to when you're on a day off.

The original has redundant phrasing and disfluent repetition ('it's, it's different when you're working in, when you're on a day off') and an awkward preposition 'in'. I removed repetition and clarified the comparison with 'compared to'. Suggestion: avoid fillers and repeat words, and use clear comparative structures like 'compared to'.

× So far I do paints that it is not related to book. This book is the one that makes me tired a lot and I focus more on other things so that my mind is not preoccupied much about work.

✓ Lately I have been doing painting, which is not related to my studies. Studying that book makes me very tired, so I focus on other activities so my mind is not preoccupied with work.

The original contains incorrect verb choice ('do paints'), awkward relative clause, and unclear reference to 'book'. I changed 'do paints' to 'doing painting' (or 'painting'), used present perfect progressive 'have been doing' to match ongoing activity, clarified 'that book' to 'studying that book' and improved cohesion. Suggestion: use correct verb-noun collocations (do + activity vs. paint/painting), choose appropriate tense for ongoing actions, and make noun references explicit.

× some of the nurse

✓ some of the nurses

The phrase refers to multiple nurses, so the noun must be plural. Use 'nurses' after 'some of the' to match number. Suggestion: check whether the noun refers to more than one person and use plural accordingly.