Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make your answer more concise and complete. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then add one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid overly long, run-on sentences and finish the thought so it doesn’t cut off. Use simpler phrasing (e.g., “because” or “so”) and limit to 2–4 short sentences.

예시: Yes, I often feel tired because my job as a legal assistant in an Austin immigration law firm is demanding. The constant changes in immigration laws mean I must stay updated and work long hours, so I often feel drained by the end of the day.

제안: Give a clearer time frame and use linking words to connect idea and consequence. Begin with a direct time-related phrase (e.g., “I usually feel tired when…”), then briefly explain why and provide a specific example or situation. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: I usually feel tired at the end of a long workday, especially after handling many client cases. Because immigration rules change frequently, I often spend extra hours researching updates, which makes me exhausted.

제안: Complete your answer and be specific about activities and their benefits. Start with a topic sentence, then list one or two short activities with linking words (e.g., “for example,” “sometimes”) and explain briefly how they help. Keep it natural and within 2–4 sentences.

예시: When I feel tired, I step away from my computer and take short breaks to relax. For example, I listen to music or sit outside in the sun for ten minutes, which helps me clear my mind and regain energy.

× 'Yes, due to the complex nature and high demand of time, attention and dedication I have for my work as a legal assistant in a law firm based in Austin, Texas dedicated to immigration and due to the constant changes of laws and policies in that country, I tend to feel'

✓ 'Yes, because of the complex nature of my work and the high demands on my time, attention, and dedication as a legal assistant at an immigration law firm in Austin, Texas, and because of the constant changes in laws and policies in that country, I tend to feel tired.'

'Sentence structure error: the original is a run-on and has misplaced modifiers and missing punctuation, making it hard to follow. Suggestions: break the sentence into clear parts, place modifiers next to the nouns they modify (e.g., "complex nature of my work"), use parallel structure for lists ("time, attention, and dedication"), use "because of" or "due to" consistently, and finish the clause with the completable idea ("tend to feel tired").'

× 'Considering my line of work and the always changing scene in the immigration world, specifically in the US and during these times I feel exhausted most of the time.'

✓ 'Considering my line of work and the constantly changing scene in the immigration world, especially in the US, I feel exhausted most of the time.'

'Present tense / adverb placement: "always changing" is natural but "constantly changing" is smoother; the original had awkward placement of "during these times" which is redundant with "most of the time." Suggestions: use a single adverb (constantly), place qualifiers next to the phrase they modify ("especially in the US"), and avoid redundant time expressions.'

× 'Whenever I feel tired, I try to step away from my computer and have some leisure moments doing something else I like, even for small periods of time. It could be listening to a song or having some time under the sun, but I do need something that'

✓ 'Whenever I feel tired, I try to step away from my computer and do something leisure-related that I enjoy, even for short periods. It could be listening to a song or spending time in the sun, but I do need a short break.'

'Sentence structure error and word choice: the original contained awkward phrasing ("have some leisure moments doing something else I like"), inconsistent noun phrases ("time under the sun" is informal), and an incomplete final clause. Suggestions: use concise, idiomatic phrases ("do something leisure-related," "short periods"), use "spend time in the sun" instead of "under the sun," and complete the thought with a final noun phrase ("a short break").'