Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve clarity, grammar and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb forms and choose appropriate vocabulary (e.g., "schedule" instead of "programme", "jobs" instead of "lines", "clear my mind" instead of "empty my brand"). Keep it within 3–4 sentences to be natural and effective.

예시: Yes, I often feel tired, especially on weekdays, because I have to manage two jobs and a busy schedule. As a result, I usually feel exhausted by the evening. To reduce stress, I try to clear my mind by turning off my phone and taking short breaks during the day.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence and support it with specific reasons and linking words. Fix grammar (e.g., "intense concentration"), sentence structure and punctuation. Limit to 2–3 sentences and add a short example to be specific (what kind of work or study).

예시: I usually feel tired after long days of work because I need to concentrate intensely for hours. For example, when I spend the whole afternoon studying or coding while sitting in the same chair, I become mentally drained and physically stiff by evening.

제안: Make the response organized: start with a topic sentence describing your general approach, then give two specific actions with linking words. Correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g., "clear my mind", "watch funny videos", "take a rest for an hour"). Use precise timeframes and avoid repetition.

예시: When I feel mentally tired, I try to clear my mind by watching a short, funny video or chatting with a friend to lift my mood. If I'm physically exhausted, I usually take a one-hour rest or a short nap, which helps me recover and reduces my stress.

× Yes, I always feel tired, especially the weekdays because I have to keep the programme and work in two lines at the same time.

✓ Yes, I always feel tired, especially on weekdays because I have to follow the schedule and work two jobs at the same time.

Errors: incorrect preposition 'the weekdays' (should be 'on weekdays'), wrong verb 'keep the programme' (awkward; 'follow the schedule' fits), and awkward phrase 'work in two lines' (should be 'work two jobs'). These are primarily incorrect use of prepositions and word choice (IDs 11 and 13). Suggestion: use 'on' with days/phrases like 'weekdays', use clear nouns like 'schedule' and 'jobs' to convey meaning.

× This is the reason why I feel tired always but I will scoring the phones and empty my brand to reduce my stress.

✓ This is why I always feel tired, but I will answer the phones and clear my mind to reduce my stress.

Errors: adverb placement 'feel tired always' is awkward — place adverb before main verb or after auxiliary (ID 20); 'will scoring' mixes future auxiliary with present participle instead of base verb (ID 4/8); 'empty my brand' is incorrect word choice and spelling — should be 'clear my mind' (ID 13). Suggestion: move 'always' to 'I always feel tired', use base verb after 'will' ('will answer'), and use the correct collocation 'clear my mind'.

× This is the good way to reduce the pressure.

✓ This is a good way to reduce the pressure.

Error: missing indefinite article 'a' before 'good way' (ID 22/17). Suggestion: use 'a good way' for a nonspecific single method; keep 'the pressure' if referring to previously mentioned stress.

× I usually feel tired after long days of work because I need to intense concentrations.

✓ I usually feel tired after long days of work because I need intense concentration.

Errors: incorrect verb form 'need to intense concentrations' — should be noun phrase 'need intense concentration' (ID 13 and 9). 'Concentration' is an uncountable noun here; use singular form. Suggestion: drop unnecessary 'to' and use 'intense concentration'.

× I'm in deep learning for hours and I sit in my chair for a long time that combination leaves me mentally drained and physically stiff by the evening

✓ I'm doing deep study for hours and I sit in my chair for a long time; that combination leaves me mentally drained and physically stiff by the evening.

Errors: 'in deep learning' is awkward — 'doing deep study' or 'studying deeply' is better (ID 13); missing punctuation causing run-on sentence (ID 26); missing article or preposition issues. Suggestion: use proper verb 'doing' with 'study' or use 'studying', and separate clauses with appropriate punctuation.

× If I feel tired and mental, I usually empty my brand, though something can make me happy or play some videos, the funny videos or watch something.

✓ If I feel mentally tired, I usually clear my mind; sometimes I do things that make me happy, like watching funny videos.

Errors: 'tired and mental' incorrect adjective order and word choice — use 'mentally tired' (ID 13 and 18); 'empty my brand' incorrect phrase — should be 'clear my mind' (ID 13); awkward comma splices and unclear structure (ID 26). Suggestion: use adverb 'mentally' before adjective 'tired', replace incorrect idiom with 'clear my mind', and restructure the sentence for clarity.

× If I tire of in physically, I usually will tack the rest like an hours can make me reduce stress.

✓ If I feel physically tired, I usually take a rest for an hour to reduce stress.

Errors: 'tire of in physically' is ungrammatical — correct phrase 'feel physically tired' (ID 26/13); 'will tack the rest' several mistakes: 'tack' should be 'take', 'the rest' better as 'a rest', and 'like an hours' should be 'for an hour' (singular/plural and preposition errors IDs 1 and 11); 'can make me reduce stress' awkward — 'to reduce stress' or 'which reduces my stress' (ID 6/13). Suggestion: use 'feel physically tired', 'take a rest', and 'for an hour' to express duration; use infinitive 'to reduce stress' to show purpose.