Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um), correct word choice (e.g., "work out excessively"), and limit to at most 3–4 short sentences. Use a linking word to contrast two ideas (e.g., "however" or "but").

예시: I don't often feel tired in my daily routine. However, I do get tired after I work out excessively at the gym. In those cases, I feel physically exhausted and need extra rest.

제안: Give a clear, specific answer with varied vocabulary and a linking word. Avoid repeating similar phrases (heavy workout, exercise extreme). Provide one or two specific contexts and a brief reason.

예시: I usually feel tired after intense training sessions, such as long runs or prolonged football practice. Because the sessions are high-intensity and long in duration, my muscles get fatigued and I need time to recover.

제안: Organize your answer: start with a topic sentence, then give two specific actions with a linking word (e.g., "first"/"also") and a brief reason or effect. Remove fillers and use natural phrasing ("I prefer resting" not "prefer rather than").

예시: When I feel tired, I usually rest rather than going straight to bed. First, I slow my breathing and relax for about 20 minutes; then I meditate, which helps me reduce mental stress and feel refreshed.

× Uh, usually I don't feel tired, but when I workout excess extensively in my gym and, and post that, if I had to work a lot, I feel tired, uh, because of the extreme physical work, uh, apart from that, uh, to my daily routine, I don't feel that tired.

✓ Usually I don't feel tired, but when I work out excessively at the gym and afterwards have to work a lot, I feel tired because of the extreme physical effort; otherwise, in my daily routine I don't feel that tired.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement and verb form ('workout' is a noun; correct verb phrase is 'work out' — Grammar Problem Type ID 8: Verb + -ing form is not directly relevant but verb form correction needed) and adverb choice ('excess extensively' is incorrect; use 'excessively' — Grammar Problem Type ID 13: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). 'Post that' is informal and ungrammatical here; use 'afterwards' (Grammar Problem Type ID 11: Incorrect use of prepositions/phrasing). 'If I had to work a lot' mixes conditional tense; present factual situation requires 'have to work a lot' (Grammar Problem Type ID 6: Present tense issue). Also unnecessary fillers and punctuation: simplify sentence for clarity (Grammar Problem Type ID 26: Sentence structure errors). Suggestion: use 'work out' for the verb, 'excessively' as adverb, 'at the gym' for location, 'afterwards' for sequence, and keep present tense for habitual facts.

× During my heavy workout sessions and also when I practice a lot for my sports and I do exercise greatly so I feel tired when I do it extreme.

✓ I feel tired during heavy workout sessions and when I practice a lot for my sport; I get tired when I exercise intensely.

Problems include awkward adjective/adverb use ('exercise greatly' and 'do it extreme' are incorrect; use 'exercise intensely' — Grammar Problem Type ID 13: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs) and redundancy/word order issues ('and also when I practice a lot for my sports' should be 'when I practice a lot for my sport' — Grammar Problem Type ID 18: Incorrect order of adjectives/phrasing). Improve by using 'during' for time reference and 'intensely' to describe exercise intensity, and simplify structure (Grammar Problem Type ID 26: Sentence structure errors).

× Uh, I usually prefer uh, resting or rather than directly going to sleep.

✓ I usually prefer resting rather than going to sleep immediately.

Error: incorrect conjunction/phrase structure — 'prefer resting or rather than' is incorrect; use 'prefer X rather than Y' (Grammar Problem Type ID 16: Incorrect conjunction use). Also adverb placement: 'directly going to sleep' is better as 'going to sleep immediately' (Grammar Problem Type ID 20: Incorrect adverb placement). Remove filler words for clarity.

× Uh, I take uh, my rest seriously.

✓ I take my rest seriously.

Mostly filler words; grammatically fine after removing fillers. No change in tense or agreement needed. Suggestion: avoid unnecessary "uh" for clearer speech. (No grammar problem from the provided list.)

× Uh, I take my own time, get my breathing right and do meditate, which helps me to relieve all my stress mentally.

✓ I take my time, regulate my breathing, and meditate, which helps me relieve my mental stress.

Issues: 'take my own time' is nonstandard in this context; use 'take my time' (Grammar Problem Type ID 13: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs/phrasing). 'Get my breathing right' is informal; 'regulate my breathing' is clearer (Grammar Problem Type ID 26: Sentence structure errors). 'Do meditate' is ungrammatical; use 'meditate' (Grammar Problem Type ID 8: Verb + -ing form or 9: past participle not directly but verb form correction). 'Helps me to relieve all my stress mentally' is wordy and awkward; use 'helps me relieve my mental stress' and avoid 'all' which is unnecessary (Grammar Problem Type ID 14: Incorrect use of quantifiers). Suggestion: use parallel verb forms and concise phrasing.