Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organise your response: start with a clear topic sentence, then add 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce repetition (e.g., avoid listing similar academic tasks multiple times) and fix small grammatical issues (use nouns not gerunds: ‘homework at university’, ‘part-time job’).

예시: Yes, I often feel tired because I balance university coursework and a part-time job. For example, I regularly work on group projects and assignments while also doing shifts at a cafe, so my days can be long. However, I usually feel satisfied because the work helps me progress academically and financially.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence and add a specific example with linking words. Avoid repeating ‘usually’ and use varied vocabulary (e.g., ‘particularly’, ‘during’). Mention concrete details about timing or effects to make the answer more specific.

예시: I feel most tired during the exam period, particularly when several tests fall within the same week. For instance, last semester I had five exams in seven days, so I spent long hours revising each subject and struggled with fatigue and poor sleep.

제안: Use a clear topic sentence and correct grammar and vocabulary. Say how long you do it, describe the type of music correctly, and explain the effect with linking words. Avoid unclear phrases like ‘keptop musically’—use the correct genre or artist name.

예시: I usually listen to upbeat pop music for about 30 minutes when I'm tired because it helps relieve stress and lifts my mood. For example, listening to energetic songs while walking or doing light chores makes me feel more alert and relaxed afterward.

× Yes, I usually feel tired because I have to do a lot of things for example.

✓ Yes, I usually feel tired because I have to do a lot of things, for example.

Run-on/clarity issue and missing comma before 'for example'. The tense is present and correct; add a comma to separate the clause and improve readability. Also move 'for example' to the end of the clause for natural flow.

× I have to do my homework from my university and also I have plenty of group projects and also I have to do my part time job and do my academic study.

✓ I have to do my university homework, I have plenty of group projects, I also work a part-time job, and I have academic studies to complete.

Multiple article and word choice issues: 'my homework from my university' is awkward — 'my university homework' or 'homework for university' is better. 'Part time' should be hyphenated 'part-time'. 'Do my academic study' is unidiomatic; 'have academic studies' or 'study academically' fits. The sentence is long; break into coordinated clauses for clarity.

× So I usually feel tired but I feel a sense of satisfaction.

✓ So I usually feel tired, but I also feel a sense of satisfaction.

Add 'also' to convey contrast and use comma before 'but'. This improves cohesion and emphasis between fatigue and satisfaction.

× I usually feel extremely tired when the exams are coming.

✓ I usually feel extremely tired when exams are coming.

'The exams are coming' is understandable but 'the' is unnecessary; 'when exams are coming' or better 'around exam time' is more natural. The tense is present progressive to express upcoming events; removing 'the' improves fluency.

× For example, I usually have to do about five or six exams in a very short time and I have to spend plenty of time to prepare for this.

✓ For example, I usually have to take about five or six exams in a very short time, and I have to spend a lot of time preparing for them.

Verb choice: use 'take exams' rather than 'do exams'. Use gerund 'preparing' after 'spend time'. 'Plenty of time to prepare for this' is wordy; 'a lot of time preparing for them' is clearer and matches plural 'exams'.

× I'm listening to the music for a few time because this helps me to relieve my stress instantly and also boost my mood.

✓ I listen to music for a short time because it helps me relieve stress instantly and also boosts my mood.

Present simple 'I listen' is appropriate for habitual action. 'I'm listening' suggests currently happening. 'A few time' is ungrammatical; use 'a short time' or 'a few minutes'. 'Relieve my stress' can be 'relieve stress'. Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'also boosts my mood'.

× I usually listen to keptop musically especially because the energetic of its songs allow me to relax so I really love to do it.

✓ I usually listen to K-pop music, especially because the energy of the songs allows me to relax, so I really enjoy it.

Several errors: 'keptop musically' is likely 'K-pop music'. Use 'the energy' or simply 'the energy of the songs'; 'energetic' is an adjective not a noun. Subject-verb agreement: 'energy ... allows' (singular). 'Enjoy it' is more natural than 'love to do it'. Punctuation added to separate clauses.