Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific supporting detail. Avoid repetition and fix tense and article errors (e.g., "I work as a healthcare assistant," "my working hours are"). Use linking words like "because" to connect cause and effect.

예시: Yes. I often feel tired because I work as a healthcare assistant in a private clinic and my working hours are long — usually from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. As a result, I often feel burned out by the end of the day.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and one specific, plausible reason. Avoid uncertain phrases like "maybe" and incorrect scientific claims. Use linking words (e.g., "usually" and "because") and correct grammar: "I usually feel tired after meals because..." Offer a simple explanation such as digestion or a heavy meal causing drowsiness.

예시: I usually feel tired after meals, especially lunch, because large or starchy meals make me feel drowsy while my body focuses on digestion. For example, I tend to feel sleepy about 30–60 minutes after eating rice-heavy lunches.

제안: Answer directly with a topic sentence and one or two specific actions. Correct minor grammar errors (e.g., "I usually grab a cup of water" or "I take a short walk"). Use a linking phrase to explain the effect of each action and avoid vague words like "rejuvenate" if unsure — "refresh" or "wake me up" are fine.

예시: I usually grab a glass of water or take a short walk in the corridor to wake myself up. For instance, a five-minute walk helps increase my alertness, and drinking water stops the mid-afternoon slump.

× Yes, unfortunately as I worked as a healthcare assistant in a private clinic, so my working hour is quite long from eight AM to six PM so I was always burned out from this long working period.

✓ Yes, unfortunately, when I worked as a healthcare assistant in a private clinic, my working hours were quite long, from eight AM to six PM, so I was always burned out from this long period.

The sentence mixes past and present tenses. The main situation is in the past (I worked), so related verbs should also be past: 'working hours were' and 'was always burned out'. Remove the redundant conjunction 'as' with 'so' together; use 'when' or 'as' alone for clarity. Also pluralize 'hour' to 'hours'. Suggestions: keep tense consistent (past) and simplify conjunctions.

× I usually feel tired is the period after just after the meal time because maybe I consume some rice which can cause increase carbon dioxide level in my blood so I always feel tired at that moment.

✓ I usually feel tired just after mealtimes because I sometimes eat rice, which can increase the carbon dioxide level in my blood, so I always feel tired at that time.

The original sentence has awkward structure and tense/word-form problems. Remove extraneous 'is the period' and 'after' duplication. Use plural 'mealtimes' for habitual events. Use 'sometimes eat' instead of 'maybe I consume' for natural present habitual tense. Use 'increase' (verb) with 'the carbon dioxide level' and include 'the'. Break into clauses with commas for clarity.

× I think a grab a cup of water or grab a short walk in the corridor is the effective way to rejuvenate myself.

✓ I think grabbing a cup of water or taking a short walk in the corridor is an effective way to rejuvenate myself.

The sentence uses incorrect verb forms and article usage. Use gerunds for parallel actions ('grabbing' and 'taking') after 'think'. Use the indefinite article 'an' before 'effective way'. Also 'grab a short walk' is incorrect; use 'take a short walk'. These changes make the sentence grammatically correct and natural.

× It can help me to keep myself awake.

✓ They can help me stay awake.

Pronoun and verb agreement: refer back to plural actions ('grabbing... or taking...') so use 'they' and plural verb 'can'. Use the natural collocation 'stay awake' instead of 'keep myself awake'. This keeps present-tense general statement appropriate.