Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, correct grammar, and give a clear topic sentence followed by one specific reason. Avoid repetition and keep within 3–4 sentences. Use linking words (for example, because, so) correctly and vary vocabulary (e.g., 'exhausted' or 'fatigued').

예시: Yes, I often feel tired because I work long night shifts as a full‑stack developer. For example, debugging complex code late into the night can be stressful and leave me exhausted the next day. As a result, I sometimes struggle to concentrate at work.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence and give one specific, concise example. Fix grammar (continuous → continuously or continuous; 'without taking break' → 'without taking a break'). Use a linking phrase like 'for example' correctly and avoid filler words.

예시: I usually feel tired after working long, uninterrupted hours. For example, if I work eight hours straight without taking a break, I become physically exhausted and find it hard to focus.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence, then give two specific activities as supporting details using linking words (for example, 'also' or 'in addition'). Remove hesitations (uh) and fix phrasing ('go to a small walk' → 'go for a short walk'). Explain briefly why each activity helps.

예시: When I feel tired, I usually take short breaks to recharge. For example, I often listen to music to relax, or I go for a short walk to clear my mind; additionally, playing cricket helps me relieve stress and boosts my mood.

× Yes, I often feel tired because I'm a full stack developer, so I work long on my long nights on my laptop.

✓ Yes, I often feel tired because I'm a full-stack developer, so I work late into the night on my laptop.

The original has awkward phrasing and incorrect time expression. 'Work long on my long nights' is incorrect; use 'work late into the night' to express working until late hours. Also add a hyphen in 'full-stack' as a compound adjective. This keeps the present tense and clearly expresses habitual action.

× It will be like stressful because sometimes things don't go well.

✓ It can be stressful because sometimes things don't go well.

'It will be like stressful' is incorrect modal and construction. Use 'can be stressful' to indicate a general possibility in the present habitual context. This fits the question about often feeling tired rather than predicting the future.

× So that's make me a little tired, yeah.

✓ So that makes me a little tired, yeah.

Subject-verb agreement error: 'that' (singular) requires 'makes' not 'make'. Correcting to 'that makes' matches singular subject with singular verb.

× I would feel tired when I when I work for continuous long hours without taking break, or like a example, working 8 hours straight without taking any break.

✓ I feel tired when I work long hours without taking a break; for example, working eight hours straight without any break.

The original mixes conditional 'would' with general habitual context; present simple 'I feel' is more natural when describing when one typically gets tired. Also 'taking break' needs the article 'a break', 'like a example' is incorrect: use 'for example', and write numbers in words in formal speech. Remove duplicated 'when I'.

× This definitely feels me exhausted and tired.

✓ This definitely makes me feel exhausted and tired.

Incorrect verb and pronoun usage: 'feels me exhausted' is ungrammatical. Use 'makes me feel' + adjective to express causing a state. Keep present tense consistent.

× I would rather take short breaks.

✓ I prefer to take short breaks.

While 'I would rather' is not strictly wrong, it suggests a preference in a hypothetical context. 'I prefer to take short breaks' is clearer and suits the question about habitual response. Both are acceptable; this correction improves clarity.

× If I feel tired, uh, I would listen, listen to music or I just go to a small walk and uh, I would like to play cricket.

✓ If I feel tired, I listen to music, go for a short walk, or play cricket.

Use simple present for habitual actions. 'Listen, listen' repetition is unnecessary. 'Go to a small walk' is incorrect; say 'go for a short walk'. 'I would like to play cricket' implies desire rather than habitual action; use 'play cricket' to describe what you do when tired.

× So, uh, playing cricket makes me more, uh, happy and it reduces my stress and it feels, it makes me.

✓ Playing cricket makes me happier, reduces my stress, and helps me relax.

Original is fragmented and contains redundancy and incomplete clause 'it feels, it makes me.' Use comparative 'happier' (correct adjective form) and concise coordinated verbs 'reduces' and 'helps me relax' to finish the idea. Maintain present tense for habitual effect.