Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Clarify and correct vocabulary, avoid repetition, use a clear topic sentence and one or two supporting details. Replace unclear phrase “double shields” with the correct term (e.g. “double shifts”), remove repeated words, and keep it concise (max 3–4 sentences). Add a linking word to connect reason.

예시: Yes, I often feel tired because I work five days a week and sometimes do double shifts. As a result, I usually have less free time to rest, especially on busy weeks.

제안: Use correct tense and smoother linking. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a specific example with linking words (e.g. “for example” or “especially when”). Correct grammar: use present simple for habits and avoid awkward phrasing.

예시: I feel tired whenever I don’t get enough sleep and rest. For example, when I do extra shifts I sometimes only sleep about five hours before the next shift, which makes me feel exhausted.

제안: Organize the response: topic sentence then 2–3 specific activities using linking words. Use natural collocations (e.g. “eat good food”, “go to the mall”, “get enough sleep”) and avoid repetition. Keep sentences concise and varied in structure.

예시: When I feel tired, I usually take a day off to recover. During that day I relax by watching TV, eating good food, going to the mall for a light walk, and catching up on sleep.

× I work five days a week and and do double shields sometimes so that So that's why I get tired.

✓ I work five days a week and sometimes do double shifts, so that's why I get tired.

The sentence contains a repeated conjunction 'and and' and the redundant 'so that So'. Also 'shields' is a misspelling of 'shifts'. Combine clauses with a single 'and', use 'sometimes' before the verb for natural word order, correct the noun to 'shifts', and use a single coordinating conjunction 'so' to show result.

× I feel tired whenever I didn't get enough sleep and rest.

✓ I feel tired whenever I don't get enough sleep and rest.

The sentence mixes present tense 'I feel' with past tense 'didn't get'. Use the present simple 'don't get' after 'whenever' to indicate habitual or general situations matching 'I feel'.

× I usually experience that this if I do extra shifts on that day and I will wake up the next day with only five hours sleep before my next shift.

✓ I usually experience this if I do extra shifts that day, and I wake up the next day with only five hours of sleep before my next shift.

The phrase 'experience that this' is ungrammatical; use 'experience this'. Remove unnecessary 'will' because the sentence describes a habitual result, so present simple 'wake up' is appropriate. Also add 'of' after 'five hours' to form the quantifier expression 'five hours of sleep'.

× When I feel tired, I will take a day off and during that day off I relax myself by watching TV, eating good foods, going through the mall and have enough sleep with that day of my day off.

✓ When I feel tired, I take a day off, and during that day I relax by watching TV, eating good food, going to the mall, and getting enough sleep.

The reflexive 'relax myself' is unnecessary in English; 'relax' is sufficient. Avoid future 'will' if describing a habitual response—use present simple 'take'. 'Eating good foods' is awkward; use 'eating good food'. 'Going through the mall' is better as 'going to the mall'. Use parallel gerunds ('watching', 'eating', 'going', 'getting') for list consistency, and simplify 'that day of my day off' to 'during that day'.