Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect word order (e.g., “too much busy” -> “too busy”).

예시: Yes, I feel tired almost every day. This is because my schedule is very busy and I often worry about exams and coursework, so I don’t get enough rest.

제안: Give a clear time or situation and use correct tense and word order. Use one clear sentence as a topic sentence, then briefly add a specific physical feeling or reason. Avoid hesitations and unfinished phrases.

예시: I usually feel most tired in the evening before I go to bed. At that time my whole body feels heavy and I struggle to concentrate because I’m ready to sleep.

제안: Organize your answer: start with a main activity, then add alternatives and a reason using linking words. Reduce repetition and correct phrasing (e.g., “it will be very relaxed to my body” -> “it relaxes my body”).

예시: When I feel tired, I usually do yoga because it relaxes my muscles and calms my mind. Alternatively, I might watch a short film or take a nap if I need to rest quickly.

× Yes, almost every day because my schedule is always busy too much and I'm always stressing about my exams and my lessons and I'm always thinking something in my brain and it feels very tired, I think.

✓ Yes, almost every day because my schedule is always too busy, and I'm always stressed about my exams and my lessons. I keep thinking about things, and my brain feels very tired.

This sentence contains multiple issues: incorrect word order ('busy too much' should be 'too busy') and wrong adjective/adverb use (use 'stressed' not 'stressing' when describing a state). The phrase 'thinking something in my brain' is unidiomatic; use 'thinking about things' or 'overthinking'. The original is also a run-on sentence; break into shorter sentences for clarity and correct conjunction use. Suggestions: place 'too' before the adjective ('too busy'), use the past participle/adjective 'stressed' for state, and use 'think about' for thoughts. Keep sentences shorter and use commas and conjunctions properly.

× I'm feeling tired when I'm before sleeping sleeping because when I'm staying a bed I'm my old what is that my whole body is always ex

✓ I feel tired before sleeping because when I'm in bed my whole body feels exhausted.

Use simple present 'I feel' for habitual states rather than 'I'm feeling'. 'Before sleeping' is correct but avoid repetition; remove duplicate 'sleeping'. Use the preposition 'in' with 'bed' ('in bed'), not 'staying a bed'. 'My whole body feels exhausted' is the correct way to express physical tiredness; 'ex' was an incomplete word. Suggestions: use simple present for regular occurrences, the correct preposition 'in', and complete adjectives like 'exhausted'.

× When I'm tired I'm just scrolling my phone or watching films or I'm sleeping or I'm doing yoga.

✓ When I'm tired, I usually scroll through my phone, watch films, sleep, or do yoga.

For habitual actions, use simple present forms ('I scroll', 'I watch', 'I sleep', 'I do yoga') rather than continuous forms with 'I'm' repeated. 'Scrolling my phone' should be 'scroll through my phone'. Use commas to separate items in a list and add 'usually' to indicate frequency. Suggestions: use simple present for repeated actions and correct verb phrases like 'scroll through'.

× When I'm tired I'm always doing yoga because it will it will be very relaxed to my body.

✓ When I'm tired I always do yoga because it is very relaxing for my body.

Use simple present 'I always do yoga' for habitual actions rather than 'I'm always doing'. 'It will it will be' is an erroneous repetition; use present 'it is' because the speaker describes a general truth. 'Relaxed to my body' is incorrect; the adjective 'relaxing' describes the effect, and the correct preposition is 'for' ('relaxing for my body'). Suggestions: use simple present for routines, avoid repeated words, and use 'relaxing for' to describe beneficial effects.

× It's very beneficial for relaxing.

✓ It's very beneficial for relaxation.

'Beneficial for relaxing' is awkward; use the noun 'relaxation' after 'beneficial for' or rephrase as 'It helps me relax'/'It is very relaxing.' Suggestions: choose the noun ('relaxation') after 'beneficial for' or use an active verb structure like 'helps me relax' for clarity.