Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., “early morning” twice) and finish your thought. Also watch verb forms and word order (e.g., “I study a module in civil engineering”).

예시: Yes, I often feel tired because I’m juggling work and studies. For example, I start work early, attend a civil engineering module in the afternoon, and then study English in the evening, so my days are quite long.

제안: Clarify the time and cause; use a clear topic sentence and link reason and effect. Keep sentences shorter and correct word choice (e.g., “my body starts hurting” not “making hurt in me”). Use linking words like “because” or “so”.

예시: I feel tired when I have extremely long days. For instance, if I begin work at two in the morning and continue without proper rest, my body starts hurting and I feel exhausted by mid-afternoon.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence, then provide specific steps and link them logically. Improve grammar (e.g., “I sit at a table,” “play two or three songs,” “that recharges my energy”) and avoid vague phrases like “stay back.” Add a brief reason why music helps.

예시: I usually take a short break and listen to two or three songs to recharge. Listening to music calms my mind and reduces stress, so after a ten-minute break I can continue working more productively.

× Oh yes, I often feel tired because I have many things to do right now.

✓ Oh yes, I often feel tired because I have many things to do currently.

The original sentence uses 'right now' which is acceptable but 'currently' fits formal spoken English; this is more a style suggestion than strict grammar. Keep present simple 'often feel' for habitual action. No tense change needed.

× So in the mornings I usually start going to work early morning, then I go to study a little bit my back course in civil engineer and then I come to study English so it's a lot of

✓ So in the mornings I usually start going to work early, then I go study a little for my civil engineering course, and then I come to study English, so it's a lot.

Multiple issues: 'start going to work early morning' should be 'start going to work early' (redundant 'morning'). 'go to study a little bit my back course in civil engineer' has wrong word order and noun forms: use 'go study a little for my civil engineering course.' Present simple 'go study' is acceptable for habitual actions. Also add commas and finish the sentence with 'so it's a lot.' This correction follows verb participle and sentence structure rules.

× Oh, if I have a busy day when I start working around two in the morning, I start feeling tired of my body start making hurt in me is around two in the hour so my day is not over so I feel really exhausted.

✓ Oh, if I have a busy day and I start working around two in the morning, I begin to feel tired; my body starts aching around two, but my day is not over, so I feel really exhausted.

Issues corrected: use 'and' for connecting clauses, 'start feeling tired' -> 'begin to feel tired' is clearer. 'start making hurt in me' is ungrammatical; use 'my body starts aching.' 'is around two in the hour' is corrected to 'around two.' Maintain present simple for habitual conditionals. Punctuation added to separate ideas.

× I just stay back, sit in a table and play two or three songs and that recharge my energy and I can continue all the day if I need to.

✓ I just stay back, sit at a table and play two or three songs, and that recharges my energy so I can continue all day if I need to.

Preposition 'in a table' is incorrect; use 'at a table' (preposition error ID 11 but primary issue is corrected here). Subject-verb agreement: 'that recharge' should be 'that recharges' because 'that' refers to the singular action. 'all the day' is unidiomatic; use 'all day.' Verb tenses remain present simple for habitual actions.

× So the music for me is the relaxing method.

✓ So music is my way to relax.

'The music for me is the relaxing method' is awkward and literal. Use natural present simple expression 'music is my way to relax.' This keeps present tense and improves word choice and adjective use.