Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Clarify and correct factual phrasing, reduce redundancy, and add a concise reason. Use one clear topic sentence, then a linked supporting detail. Avoid unclear references like “My GP”.

예시: Yes, I often feel tired after work because I usually do 12-hour shifts from 6:00 AM to 6:00 PM. As a result, I arrive home exhausted and need some time to relax before I can do anything else.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence stating timing, then briefly explain why with specific details. Reduce repetitive phrases and use linking words (for example, “because” or “so”) to improve coherence.

예시: I usually feel tired as soon as I finish work, especially after a 12-hour shift, because long hours leave me physically drained. Therefore, when I get home I immediately feel the need to rest and recover.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence about your usual recovery strategies, then add one or two specific, linked details. Avoid vague endings and unfinished sentences. Mention duration and effects clearly.

예시: When I feel tired, I usually rest by taking a short nap of about 15 minutes, which helps me feel refreshed. After that, I often read for a while because reading relaxes me and helps me unwind before continuing my evening.

× My GP is around 6:00 AM to 6:00 PM for 12 hours, so when I get to work I often feel so tired.

✓ My GP is on duty from 6:00 AM to 6:00 PM for 12 hours, so when I get to work I often feel very tired.

Original sentence has unclear subject and preposition use: 'My GP is around 6:00 AM to 6:00 PM' is ungrammatical and ambiguous. This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Use 'on duty from ... to ...' to express working hours and replace informal 'so tired' with 'very tired' for correct adverb/adjective usage. Also adjust preposition 'to' with 'from ... to ...'. Suggestion: say 'My GP is on duty from 6:00 AM to 6:00 PM.'

× We always have a 12 hour duty so after work when I get home I feel the tiredness, the need to rest, the need to breathe and the need to relax.

✓ We always have a 12-hour duty, so after work when I get home I feel tired and need to rest, breathe, and relax.

Run-on and wordiness create sentence structure problems (ID 26). 'the tiredness' is awkward; use adjective 'tired'. Combine parallel items with commas and use hyphen in '12-hour' as a compound modifier. Suggestion: simplify and keep parallel structure: 'I feel tired and need to rest, breathe, and relax.'

× What I do when I feel tired, I just take a rest.

✓ When I feel tired, I just rest.

The original repeats clause structure and creates an unnecessary comma splice; this is a sentence structure error (ID 26). 'Take a rest' is acceptable but wordier than 'rest.' Use standard adverb placement: 'When I feel tired, I just rest.'

× I take a nap, a 15 minute nap and when I wake up I feel energized.

✓ I take a 15-minute nap, and when I wake up I feel energized.

Missing hyphen for the compound adjective '15-minute' is a punctuation/quantifier issue (ID 14). Also add a comma and conjunction to join clauses correctly. Suggestion: use 'a 15-minute nap' and include comma before coordinating conjunction.

× I also do some time with my hobby which is reading and after that I do.

✓ I also spend some time on my hobby, which is reading, and then I do other things.

Original sentence is incomplete ('and after that I do' lacks an object) and has incorrect preposition 'do some time with' — this is a sentence structure error (ID 26) and preposition misuse (ID 11). Use 'spend time on' and complete the clause. Suggestion: specify what you do afterward or use 'then I do other things' to complete the thought.