Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid awkward phrases (e.g. “it is”, “my cell”) and redundant repetition. Use linking words like “because” or “so” correctly, and keep sentences to a maximum of five. Also correct grammar: say “during the day” not “in daytime,” and “stay alert” instead of “keep vigilance.”

예시: Yes, I often feel tired during the day. For example, I feel low on energy in the afternoon because I work long shifts, so I try to go to bed earlier and have a hearty breakfast to help me stay alert.

제안: Answer directly and give specific, natural details. Use linking words (e.g. “because”, “so”, “for example”) and correct word choice (e.g. “my body” or “my mind” instead of “my cell”; “short walk” is fine). Avoid listing many actions without clear order—use commas or connectors. Keep sentences concise and grammatically correct.

예시: I usually feel tired soon after meals, especially after lunch, because food makes me drowsy. For example, when this happens I wash my face and take a short walk to improve my concentration.

제안: Make your response fluent and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence then add one or two specific actions and a brief reason. Fix pauses and repetitions (“I work currently working”); use natural linking words like “because” and “so” and correct compound words (e.g. “re-energise” or “reenergize”). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: When I feel tired, I wash my face and try to stay alert because I work in a clinic and must be attentive. If possible, I take a short walk in the corridor and sometimes have a cup of coffee to reenergize myself.

× Yes, it is.

✓ Yes, I do.

The student used 'it' instead of the correct subject 'I' for a question about personal feelings. Use 'I do' to answer 'Do you often feel tired?'. Replace impersonal pronoun with the correct subject pronoun and auxiliary verb to match the question form (subject-verb agreement).

× I usually feel tired, especially in daytime.

✓ I usually feel tired, especially during the daytime.

The phrase 'in daytime' is incorrect; the correct prepositional phrase is 'during the daytime' or simply 'during the day'. Use the preposition 'during' and include the article 'the' for the noun phrase 'daytime' when specifying a period.

× So I would say I would regulate my daily routine just like sleep earlier and then wake up earlier.

✓ So I would say I would regulate my daily routine by sleeping earlier and waking up earlier.

The original uses 'just like' and bare verbs 'sleep'/'wake' incorrectly. Use the gerund form after 'by' to indicate the method (verb + -ing). This corrects sentence structure and verb form usage.

× So I have a nice breakfast to keep my cell awake, keep vigilance to deal with my job.

✓ So I have a good breakfast to keep myself alert and vigilant at work.

'Cell' is incorrect word choice (likely meant 'self'); use the reflexive pronoun 'myself'. Use 'alert' and 'vigilant' as adjectives; 'keep vigilance' is unnatural. Rephrase to 'keep myself alert and vigilant at work' for clarity and correct pronoun use.

× I usually feel tired shortly after mealtime, especially after lunch.

✓ I usually feel tired shortly after meals, especially after lunch.

'Mealtime' is acceptable but 'after meals' is more natural. This change is not strictly grammatical but improves idiomatic usage; pronoun issues are not present here, so minimal adjustment was made to improve naturalness.

× At that time I often feel drowsy and find it difficult to concentrate on my job.

✓ At that time I often feel drowsy and find it difficult to concentrate on my work.

'Job' is acceptable, but 'work' is more natural in this context. No major grammar error; this suggestion improves style and collocation.

× So my viable solution would be wash my face and then have a short walk and then take a deep breath to make my cell vigilant.

✓ So my viable solution would be to wash my face, take a short walk, and take a deep breath to make myself more alert.

After 'would be' use the full infinitive 'to wash'. Replace 'cell' with 'myself' and 'vigilant' with 'more alert' for natural collocation. Also parallelize the list of actions. This fixes modal/infinitive construction and pronoun choice.

× I usually wash my face and try to stay alert because I work currently working in a clinic so I need to be vigilant at all times.

✓ I usually wash my face and try to stay alert because I am currently working in a clinic, so I need to be vigilant at all times.

The phrase 'I work currently working' is redundant and contains an incorrect verb structure. Use present continuous 'I am currently working' for ongoing action. Add a comma before 'so' for clarity.

× I will if I can I, will take a walk in the corridor and sometimes grab a cup of coffee to re energise myself.

✓ If I can, I will take a walk in the corridor and sometimes grab a cup of coffee to re-energize myself.

The original has incorrect word order and misplaced commas. Begin with the conditional 'If I can, I will...' to make the sentence grammatically correct. 'Re energise' should be hyphenated or written as 're-energize'. This corrects sentence structure and punctuation.